


Soft Heart in a Cruel World

by WinterSky101



Category: Guardians of the Galaxy (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Abuse, Alternate Character Interpretation, Canonical Character Death, Child Abuse, Child Death, Cross-Posted on FanFiction.Net, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, F/F, First Dates, Flashbacks, Gaslighting, Movie: Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2, Moving On, Original Character Death(s), POV Mantis (Marvel), Past Character Death, Past Relationship(s), Post-Movie: Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Pre-Movie: Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2, Recovery, Rescue Missions, Team as Family, Trauma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-02
Updated: 2019-02-15
Packaged: 2019-10-21 01:01:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 24,121
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17633087
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WinterSky101/pseuds/WinterSky101
Summary: Life on theMilanois very different from life on Ego's planet.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This fic is somewhat of an exploration of an alternate characterization for Mantis, because while I love her in the MCU, I wanted to play with the idea of her being a little darker and a little more of an adult. As such, this fic does delve deeply into Mantis's past trauma with Ego, so if that's something that you don't feel comfortable reading, you might want to find another fic. I have done my best to tag appropriately, but if anyone thinks any additional tags would be necessary, I will add them.

_"Having a soft heart in a cruel world is courage, not weakness."  
_ _-Katherine Henson_

Life on the  _Milano_  is very different from life on Ego's planet.

Mantis is discovering this more and more every day. On the  _Milano_ , she's part of a family. She's equal to the others, and she has the freedom, at least to an extent, to do what she wants. No one orders her around. If someone wants something from her, they ask, and she always has the right to refuse. Her place here is secure as long as she wants it, the Guardians tell her, just by virtue of being herself.

It is very,  _very_  different from Ego's planet.

Mostly, she enjoys her new life. She definitely prefers it to her old one. And she would never complain about the Guardians, of course. She owes them far too much.

But if she ever were to complain, she would only say one thing: They treat her like she's innocent.

Mantis has seen far too much to be innocent.

Her naiveté, her social ineptitude, all the things that help her put up that front, they're all exaggerated. Ego wanted her to act naive when people came to his planet, so no one would suspect anything from her. It meant she could appear guileless, so she could get under people's skin and make them trust her. She did it with all the other children she knew in the years that she lived with Ego. She did it with the Guardians when she first met them. She's toned it down now that she's left Ego's planet, but her original impression has stuck with the others. It probably isn't helped by the fact that she's still a little confused by all of the dynamics going on between the Guardians on the ship. She's not very good at reading emotions on people's faces, and most of the Guardians won't let her touch them.

But she's not innocent.

She knows too much- She's seen too much- She's  _done_  too much to be innocent. She acted like she was, and she tries to see the good in things whenever she can, but she is not innocent. She doesn't know exactly how to explain that to the others, though, so she allows them to treat her like a child without a word. Peter and Gamora coddle her, Rocket dismisses her (although he seems to mostly dismiss everyone, so she's not entirely certain if it's because of her perceived naiveté or not), and Drax teaches her things she already knows. Groot is an actual child, so at least he treats Mantis the same as he treats all the others. Kraglin leaves to join another group of Ravagers after a while, but when he was there, he treated Mantis differently than the others and always looked to Peter and Gamora for approval before he told her anything.

The only one who doesn't treat her like a child, when she occasionally shows up, is Nebula.

The first time they reunite with Nebula, she's just lost her ship and needs a ride to the closest port. Gamora tries to talk to her, but Nebula doesn't seem to be in the mood to talk. She ends up alone in the back of the ship, near the airlock, tinkering with her prosthetic arm. After everyone settles back into their usual routine, Mantis goes to the back of the ship and sits down, watching her.

"What are you doing here?" Nebula asks. Her voice is, as always, raspy and harsh with a mechanical undertone. Mantis likes it. Nebula never gentles her tone just because she's talking to Mantis, never speaks to her like a child.

"I like to sit here," Mantis says. "It is quiet."

Nebula looks up at her, then silently goes back to tinkering with the prosthetic. Mantis watches her in silence. She wonders what Nebula's emotions would feel like. She wonders if she could read Nebula at all, as modified as she is.

"You're not as bad as the rest of them," Nebula says when she finishes her tinkering. Mantis is still absorbing the praise as Nebula stands. "We're almost at the port."

"I hope to see you again," Mantis says.

Nebula doesn't return the sentiment, but she doesn't deny it either. Mantis gets the feeling that's a victory.

The others file into the room when they reach the port, since it's the way out of the ship, and Mantis sees Gamora and Peter both do a double take when they see her already there with Nebula. Gamora sends her sister off with a fond farewell that Nebula doesn't return, and then Drax and Peter go off to pick up supplies.

"Mantis?" Gamora says before Mantis can go back to her room.

"Yes?" Mantis replies.

Gamora's jaw works a little, the only outward sign that she's anything but perfectly composed. "My sister is dangerous," she finally says. "Be careful. It's probably not smart to spend time alone with her."

"I do not think she will hurt me," Mantis says.

Gamora's expression tells Mantis immediately that she thinks the sentiment comes from naiveté. It doesn't. Mantis is entirely aware that Nebula could rip her to shreds without breaking a sweat. But she doesn't think Nebula will, not unless Mantis does something to provoke her. She thinks she's just as safe with Nebula as she is with the Guardians.

She doesn't know how to explain that to Gamora, though, so she just nods when Gamora repeats her warning, and she goes back to her room. She's tired, and she wishes she could just lie down and get some sleep, but she can't. She's seen too much to allow for a dreamless sleep. She hasn't had one in so very long.

* * *

_Mantis was still a larva when Ego brought her to his planet. She had not yet retreated into a cocoon and emerged as an adult. She wouldn't do it for about a year._

_She didn't remember much of that early time on Ego's planet. She barely remembered anything about life on her own planet. Ego told her she was an orphan, but she thought she could remember embraces and warmth from people who looked like her. When she was little, she didn't think to suspect Ego of lying, but when she grew older, she began to wonder._

_In the long run, it didn't really matter whether she had parents or not. She was never going to be able to go home._

_She didn't remember much of her time as a larva. But once she went into her cocoon and emerged… She remembered that. She remembered coming out, in a new form and with new abilities, and gasping when Ego touched her to help her up. She remembered the look on Ego's face as he ran her through tests to assess her new powers. She remembered when he told her she would use her powers to make him sleep._

_She remembered when he told her he had one more thing he wanted her to use her powers for._

_"I have many children," he told her. "They live all over the galaxy. I bring them back here, to live with me. Not all of them stay, but I bring them all here. I want you to calm them when they arrive."_

_Mantis might have grown into her adult body, but she was still young. She was too young to question Ego when he said that some of the children didn't stay. She was too young to ask why he had conceived so many children. Instead, she didn't say a word until Ego brought the first child back._

_He was a little Krylorian child, and Mantis found that Ego's skin had changed to the same shade of pink, like he was Krylorian too. She still wasn't sure what manner of creature Ego actually was._

_The child was sobbing, desperately wailing that he wanted to go home. Ego handed him to Mantis, who almost buckled under the sudden weight._

_"Calm him."_

_Mantis shifted her bare hand to touch the boy's neck. The second her skin touched his, unfamiliar panic shot through her veins. Before she knew it, she'd fallen to her knees, the child still in her arms, and she was crying just as hard as he was._

_Ego made an irritated noise and pried the child out of her arms. The panic faded, but didn't quite disappear. Mantis could still feel it, entwined closely enough with her own feelings that she didn't know how to separate it out._

_"Learn to control your powers better," he said, bouncing the child on his hip. "I want you to be able to calm the next one properly."_

_He walked off, talking to the child in a soft, soothing voice, as Mantis knelt on the ground and wept._

* * *

"You should learn to fight," Peter tells Mantis one day, after she's been living on the  _Milano_  for a few weeks.

"Will you teach me?" Mantis asks.

"I probably should," Peter agrees. "Rocket's a shitty teacher, Drax will probably accidentally kill you, and I'm a little scared to see Gamora try to teach anyone." He eyes Mantis for a moment. "Gamora might be better at teaching hand to hand, though. She's better at it than I am."

"What will you teach, then?" Mantis asks.

"Guns," Peter replies promptly. "Guns are good, and you don't have to get too close when you use them. And guns are kinda my thing, so I can teach you better than anyone else."

"I have never fired a gun," Mantis admits.

Peter gives her a look. After a moment, Mantis recognizes it as one of the looks he gives when she says something that makes him think she's an innocent. She would never admit it, but sometimes she thinks those looks mean that he's a fool. Shooting a gun is not the only way to lose innocence, and the fact that she's never shot one means nothing.

She keeps her mouth shut, though. The others have told her that she has a place on the  _Milano_  for as long as she wants it, but she doesn't want to risk it. Ego would have killed her in an instant if she ever talked back. She doesn't think the Guardians will kill her, but they might make her leave, and she doesn't want to go.

"Guns aren't too hard to learn," Peter says after a moment. "I bet you'll be able to figure them out pretty fast. And just cause you know how to use guns doesn't mean you have to use them a lot. It's just a good idea to be able to. In case you ever have to. But you don't have to fight if you don't want to."

"I would like to know how to defend myself," Mantis says. "It would be a good thing to learn."

"How good are you at that whole sleep thing?" Peter asks. "Cause that would probably be a pretty good way to defend yourself. Just,  _bam_ , make the other guy go to sleep, fight over."

"I need to be in physical contact with the other person. And I can only do it to one person at a time."

"Maybe if Gamora teaches you some hand to hand, she can just teach you how to get under someone's guard and touch them. That would end the fight pretty quick."

"Perhaps," Mantis agrees. "When will you teach me how to use a gun?"

"Whenever you want," Peter replies. "Wanna do it now?"

"Yes, please. If you have nothing else you need to do."

"Nothing important." Peter beckons. "Come on, let's go outside."

They've landed the  _Milano_  on a forest planet, and Gamora and Drax are currently off getting supplies they need. Rocket is doing a few repairs on the ship, Groot is playing somewhere, and Peter probably stayed behind to watch over Mantis. She doesn't need a babysitter, especially not one so much younger than her, but she doesn't protest it.

Peter carves a crude target into a tree and picks up a gun. "So, the goal is to be able to do this," he says, standing by the ship. He fires, and the resulting blast is in the exact center of the target. "But if you can just hit the tree at all, that would be pretty good for your first try." He hands Mantis the gun. "Give it a go."

Mantis curls her fingers around the gun slowly. It's still a little warm from the heat of Peter's body. Carefully, she raises it, peering down the gun at the tree. She takes a deep breath, lets it out, and fires.

The blast hits the uppermost edge of the target, not the center, but Peter looks impressed anyway. "Wow. Good job. Much better than I expected, to be honest. Try again."

Mantis raises the gun again, looking down the barrel at the tree. She aims a little lower and fires.

The blast still doesn't hit the middle of the target, but it's closer. "Damn," Peter says, sounding complimentary despite the language. "Are you sure you haven't ever fired a gun before?"

"I have played darts before," Mantis offers. "My aim was very good at that too."

"You played darts with Ego?" Peter asks, sounding surprised.

"No," Mantis corrects. "I played with-"

She doesn't finish the sentence. Peter and the others must know that she knew Ego's other children, but she's never mentioned them before. She learned how to play darts with one of Ego's sons, an A'askavariian child who delighted in teaching her the game. Later, she played with other children when Ego demanded that she entertain them.

She doesn't want to say any of this to Peter.

"Oh," Peter says, clearly understanding where her sentence was going. "Okay. You wanna try again?"

Mantis raises the gun once more, and she fires.

Her blast hits the center of the target.

* * *

_Mantis's abilities grew with each child that Ego brought to his planet. The more practice she got, the better she was at calming them, at reading their emotions without getting sucked into them. Each time Ego brought a child home, he would put them in Mantis's arms, and she would drain away their panic until they were calm._

_The children only ever stayed for five days. After that point, Mantis would never see them again. Ego reminded her that not all of the children stayed, but he didn't tell her where they went. She was young, she was naive, and she didn't ask. She realized that something was wrong very early, but only subconsciously. She didn't let herself think about it too much. Ignorance was bliss, and she didn't want to wreak that ignorance yet._

_But then, on the fifth day that a Sakaaran child spent on Ego's planet, Mantis walked in on Ego at just the wrong moment, just in time to see a spear of blue light stab through the child's chest. She screamed, and Ego turned around to see her in the doorway._

_"Mantis."_

_"You killed him!" Mantis cried. "Why-"_

_"Not all of the children stay," Ego said, as if it were that simple._

_"You kill all of them?" Mantis asked, horrified. She'd_ helped _Ego, she'd helped calm his children when they arrived, and she was just leading them to the slaughter._

_"Mantis," Ego said in a calm, gentle voice, "I need a child that carries my Celestial genes. I have no use for those who do not."_

_"You could send them home!" Mantis cried._

_"They will die soon enough anyway," Ego dismissed. "They're mortal. All mortals die."_

_"I'm mortal," Mantis said, her voice trembling. "Will you-"_

_"You help me sleep," Ego said. "You help calm the children. The children don't stay because they're not useful. You stay because you are."_

_There was a very clear threat in the sentence: If there ever came a day when Mantis was no longer useful, she could expect to meet the same fate as the children._

_"How many children do you have?" Mantis asked quietly._

_"Very many," Ego replied. "Many came before you, and many will come after. I will keep searching until I find a child who can control the light."_

_"And if they cannot, you kill them."_

_"Yes," Ego said. "I do."_

_The ground opened up under the body of the Sakaaran child, and it disappeared into the planet. Mantis didn't know where it was going, but if Ego had done this many times before, Mantis assumed he had a place where he kept the bodies of the children he killed. She didn't ever want to see it._

_"You don't need to worry," Ego said, putting a hand on Mantis's shoulder. She flinched away from his touch. "You won't be joining them."_

_"I-"_

_"What do you say?" Ego prompted. The words were spoken gently, but they felt like slaps._

_"Thank you," Mantis whispered._

_"You're welcome," Ego said, sounding pleased, and he left the room._

_Mantis's knees gave out. She stared at the spot where the child's body had fallen, now untouched with no evidence that anyone had died there. She remembered calming the child when he first arrived. She remembered telling him that he was safe._

_She sobbed._

* * *

"What can I do to help?" Mantis asks every day on the  _Milano_.

Sometimes, the others come up with chores for her to do. She helps Drax cook, or watches Groot, or holds things in place for Rocket while he builds contraptions she'd rather not know too much about. Other times, no one has a task for her, and she wanders listlessly, trying to figure out how to be useful.

"You don't have to be doing something all the time," Peter tells her one day, when she asks him if there's anything she can do. This may be true, but Mantis doesn't feel like she's ever doing something, except when she asks for a job. The others all have their own skills, but her only skills are her empathetic powers and her ability to put people to sleep, neither of which the other Guardians seem to want to take advantage of. If they don't need her on the ship - and it doesn't seem like they do - then why would they let her stay?

She takes to cleaning, something she learned to do during the times when Ego left the planet to gather his children or create more. For the most part, he was able to keep everything clean himself, but when he went away, Mantis had to clean and cook herself. Those times were the only ones when she felt free, despite the extra work. She didn't have to worry about Ego or watch any of his children die.

When no one has work for Mantis to do, she gets a bucket of water and scrubs the ship. She starts in the back, near the airlock, cleaning the floors and the walls and even, with the help of a step-stool, the ceilings. Within a few days, she's ready to move to another room. She cleans the rooms that are used less often, not wanting to be in anyone's way, and as such, her efforts aren't noticed for a few days. It's not until they land on a planet and go to leave through the airlock that anyone sees what she's done.

"Woah," Peter says, looking around. "I don't think this place has ever been this clean. Who did this?"

"I did it," Mantis says shyly, raising her hand. "When I had nothing else I needed to do."

"You cleaned this whole thing?" Peter asks, looking around. "And are you why the storage room looks weirdly clean too?"

Mantis hesitates. Weirdly clean? Is that a bad thing? Should she not have done this?

"This is amazing, Mantis," Gamora says, and Mantis feels relief rush through her veins. "I didn't even know this ship could  _be_  clean."

"Hey!" Peter protests.

"But you didn't need to do it," Gamora adds. "And you didn't need to do it by yourself."

"I was happy to help," Mantis says earnestly. She's happy to do whatever it takes to earn her keep.

Gamora still looks a little concerned, but she doesn't push it. They finish their work on the planet and return to the stars, traveling around until they find somewhere else they need to go.

Now that she knows the others are pleased with it, Mantis cleans even harder than before. She scrubs the ship within an inch of its life. No where is safe but the others' sleeping quarters, which she doesn't dare enter without permission. Groot lets her clean his room while he "helps" by splashing in the water, but the others don't mention it, and Mantis doesn't ask. She knows her place here, and she's not going to try to go where she's not welcome.

When Mantis finally finishes cleaning the whole ship, she allows herself a minute of satisfaction, then a minute of fear. What can she do now to prove her worth? She still helps cook sometimes, and she takes care of Groot quite a lot, but it's nothing important. Back on Ego's planet, her job was important: She helped him sleep. And here, the others all have important jobs, ones that only they could do. Mantis has nothing.

Then she notices that some of the more commonly-visited areas are growing dirty again, especially right by the airlock, and so she cleans the whole ship again.

* * *

_Once Mantis learned that Ego killed his children when they arrived, there was no going back. She wished desperately that she had never found out, that she had continued to live in ignorance, but that wouldn't have changed anything. The children still would have ended up dead, and Mantis still would have been complicit in it._

_The first child he brought back after she saw him kill the Sakaaran child was a tiny little jötunn. She was so very young, and all Mantis wanted to do was protect her, but she didn't know how._

_"Master," she asked Ego after she put the little girl to bed, "if Ingrid cannot control the light, can she go home?"_

_"I'm not going to travel all the way back to Jotunheim to return a child who failed," Ego dismissed. "She's mortal. She'll die soon enough, even if she goes back."_

_"But-"_

_"You have my answer, Mantis, and it's final," Ego replied, his voice measured and immeasurably dangerous. He looked like a jötunn now too - he always changed his shape to match his children - and his voice was lower and gravely because of it. His red eyes looked annoyed, but not angry. Not yet._

_"I understand, Master," Mantis murmured, bowing and leaving the room. She wandered the halls, finally ending up outside Ingrid's room. She almost entered, but stopped herself before she could touch the doorknob. It would be easier if she didn't let herself get too attached. There was nothing she could do to save Ingrid or any of the other children, so there was no point in caring too much for them when they were all doomed._

_Ego would say that they were all doomed by virtue of being mortal. Mantis couldn't believe that, at least not for every species. Her species, she knew, was very long-lived. Now that she'd emerged from her cocoon as an adult, she would live for a long time without another change to her appearance. She didn't know if jötnar were the same, or Sakaarans, or Krylorians, or any of the other species of children that Ego had brought back to his planet. She didn't think it mattered. Even if they only had a few years left, then didn't they have the right to live those years out? Ego was their father, but he had no right to dictate how long their lives could be._

_Those were treasonous thoughts. Mantis put a stop to them and turned away from Ingrid's door, heading to her own room. She couldn't think such things about Ego. He was her master. If he ever caught wind of those sorts of thoughts, he would kill her in an instant. Even if, through some unbelievable stroke of mercy, he chose to let her live, he would never let her stay. He would dump her on some other planet, alone and abandoned, and she would die there._

_She hated Ego, but she couldn't dare to even think it. She had to do what he said, stay faithful at his side, and hope her loyalty kept him from disposing of her the way he disposed of the children who failed him. If that was what he did to his own flesh and blood, she didn't even want to think about what he would do if she failed him too._

* * *

The Guardians end up reuniting with Nebula again not long after the incident with her ship. This time, her new ship is merely damaged, not destroyed. She docks it in the airlock and works on repairing it, refusing any offers of help and generally making everyone afraid to go anywhere near her.

Mantis, though, isn't afraid. Gamora warned her to stay away from Nebula, that Nebula was dangerous, but Mantis still doesn't think that Nebula will actually hurt her. Nebula is grumpy, and she can be sharp and biting with her words, but she isn't evil. Mantis knows evil, and she doesn't see it in Nebula.

She goes to the airlock when everyone else is busy, bringing two bottles of water. She stays carefully on the  _Milano_ 's side of the door and waits until Nebula notices her.

"I brought you some water," she offers, holding up one of the bottles. "I thought you might be thirsty. May I come onto your ship?"

Nebula looks at her with an unreadable expression. "Why are you here?" she finally asks. "Did the others tell you to watch me?"

"No," Mantis replies. "Gamora told me that you were dangerous and that I should stay away from you."

"She's right," Nebula says.

"I know that you are dangerous," Mantis agrees, "but I don't think that you will hurt me."

For a moment, there's something like shock in Nebula's eyes. She turns away, going back to working on her fried engine. "You're a fool."

"I may be," Mantis agrees easily. "I do not have much experience being out in the galaxy. And I do not always understand people. But I do not think that you will hurt me." She eyes Nebula. "Will you?"

"Will you give me a reason to hurt you?" Nebula asks, still not looking up from her engine.

"I will try not to," Mantis promises.

"I will not hurt you for no reason," Nebula promises in return.

Mantis smiles. "I knew you were not as dangerous as Gamora said! Do you want the water I brought you?"

Nebula looks up at her, then sighs. "Fine. Bring me the water."

Mantis steps onto Nebula's ship, holding out one of the bottles of water. Nebula takes it and unscrews the top with a quick jerk of her prosthetic hand. She drinks the water quickly enough that Mantis thinks she must have been very thirsty indeed. When she finishes the bottle, Mantis hands her the second one without a word.

"There," Nebula says when she finishes the second one as well, tossing the empty bottles on the ground. "You've given me your water. Is that it?"

"I can help you fix your ship, if you want me to," Mantis offers, picking up both of the bottles and placing them just inside the  _Milano_ 's airlock so she can wash them later. "I do not know much about mechanics, but Rocket has taught me some things, and I can hand you the tools that you need."

"I don't need help," Nebula scoffs. "I've always done repairs on my own."

"You don't have to do it alone now," Mantis says.

Nebula looks at her for a moment. Mantis expects to be told to leave, but instead, Nebula turns back to the engine. "We're not going to chat while we do this. If you're going to help, you're going to do it quietly."

"I can be quiet," Mantis promises. She has a lot of experience when it comes to being quiet. "What do you need?"

"I need the torque wrench," Nebula says. "It's in the box over there." She gestures at a toolbox a few feet away.

Mantis goes over to the toolbox and picks up the wrench. She hands it to Nebula, placing it in her waiting prosthetic palm. She has only ever touched Nebula's prosthetic, never her skin. She wonders what Nebula's emotions would feel like.

Mantis and Nebula fix the engine in silence, the only noises Nebula's requests for tools. It doesn't take too long to finish all the repairs. Nebula puts the panel back in place without a word.

"I can tell the others that you're ready to go," Mantis offers. "Gamora will want to say goodbye."

Nebula makes a dismissive noise. Mantis doesn't think it's a refusal, though, so she walks over to the airlock to leave the ship.

"Thank you," Nebula says gruffly. Mantis turns around, but Nebula won't meet her eyes. "For the water. And the help."

"I was happy to help," Mantis replies, smiling. Nebula still doesn't look up to see it. Mantis leaves the ship, picking up the bottles on her way out, and goes to the cockpit, where she finds Peter and Gamora.

"Nebula's ship is repaired," she reports. "She's ready to leave."

Peter and Gamora look at each other. "How do you know that?" Peter asks warily.

Mantis holds up the bottles. "I went to offer her some water. And then I helped her repair her engine."

Peter and Gamora share a somewhat more panicked look. "Mantis," Gamora says after a moment, "Nebula is dangerous. You don't know how to defend yourself yet…"

"Nebula has promised me that she won't hurt me for no reason," Mantis says. "I do not think she will break that promise."

The third look that Peter and Gamora share is shocked. Mantis wonders how much their conversations are based on simply looking at each other. She would think it to be a highly imperfect form of communication.

"Be careful," Peter finally says. "Nebula… She's hurt a lot of people."

"I will be careful," Mantis promises dutifully.

"I'll go say goodbye to her," Gamora says, slipping out of the room.

"I should go wash these," Mantis adds, holding up the bottles.

"Sounds good," Peter says, sounding a little distracted.

Mantis leaves the room and goes to the kitchen, where she washes and dries the two bottles. Nebula's ship detaches from the  _Milano_  as she's doing so, and Mantis realizes that she's looking forward to the next time Nebula shows up.

* * *

_Mantis's favorite times were always when Ego was gone. Sometimes, she felt guilty over it - Ego only left to create or collect children - but she knew he would do it either way. Relishing the time alone didn't do anything to change why it happened, and not allowing herself to enjoy it wouldn't change anything._

_She didn't need to worry when she was alone. She didn't need to lie. She didn't need to use herself as an emotional conduit that took the worst of a child's panic and replaced it with the closest thing to calm she could still feel._

_She grew bored sometimes, she had to admit. At those times, she would pretend things were different. Sometimes, she would pretend that she was the mother to a child that she could love and protect. Sometimes, she would pretend that she had parents who had always been there for her. Whatever she decided to pretend, she would throw herself into it completely, almost hoping that it would be enough that she could forget about the real world around her. If she could be free of Ego, she would be free of him entirely, even in her thoughts._

_She was never alone for long. Ego normally didn't leave for more than a few days. He would normally return with a new child, and the cycle would begin again. Mantis would calm the child, and Ego would begin the countdown until the day he killed them._

_He brought back children of every species, but he never brought back any that were the same species as Mantis. She wasn't sure if she was grateful for that or not. She had no memories of her own people, but the thought of meeting one only for them to die five days later was painful._

_Seeing children of other species dying after five days was painful too._

_"Master?" she asked once, as she walked Ego to his ship to depart. "Why do you create so many children?"_

_"I must," Ego replied. "You know I need to find a child who carries my Celestial genes. Until one exists, I'll have to keep trying to make one."_

_"But why do you need a child who carries your Celestial genes?" Mantis asked._

_Ego looked at her with an expression that, if she had to name, she would call fond amusement. It was better than anger, but it still wasn't what she was hoping for._

_"Perhaps I'll tell you someday," Ego said, patting her head. "But you don't need to know yet."_

_"Do I have a place in your plan?" Mantis asked, hating herself for her selfishness even as the words came out of her mouth._

_"Oh, Mantis," Ego sighed, cupping her face in one hand. "You know your importance, don't you? You put me to sleep. You will have a place in my plan for as long as I need your help."_

_It wasn't a real answer, but Mantis doubted she would get anything better. "I understand, Master."_

_"You don't need to worry," Ego said. "Keep doing your job, and nothing will happen to you."_

What gives you the right to dictate my life like this? _she almost wanted to ask, but she forced the words back down her throat. It would be suicide to ask Ego something like that. If she wanted a place in his plan - a place in his universe - she had to tread more carefully than that._

_"Thank you, Master," she said instead, and she kept her mouth shut as Ego patted her cheek condescendingly, and as his ship took off into the sky, she hoped it would never come back._

_She would be alone, but there were worse things than loneliness. Ego was one of them._

* * *

"Hey, Mantis, can you keep an eye on Groot while we go seal this deal?" Peter asks one day, when the ship is docked on Xandar.

"Mantis can come with us if she wants," Gamora scolds. "It's your turn to watch Groot, Peter."

"I do not mind staying with Groot," Mantis says. She has never been somewhere as busy as Xandar, and even with the new gloves Peter gave her to prevent accidental touches, she worries that the emotions surrounding her will be overwhelming. She would rather stay behind.

"You don't have to stay if you don't want to," Gamora says. "Peter can stay with Groot."

"I would rather stay," Mantis says. "If that is alright."

Gamora's expression softens a little. "It's your choice," she says. The Guardians have been saying that to Mantis a lot. They ask her to make decisions, and when she asks for their input, they tell her,  _"It's your choice."_  But she has never had to make choices like this before, and she's not sure whether or not she likes it yet.

But whenever the others say that, they stop second-guessing what Mantis says. "I choose to stay," she declares, and Gamora doesn't argue.

"Okay," she says instead. "We'll be quick."

"We're gonna be late if we don't go now," Rocket grumbles. "Can we move?"

Everyone files off the ship until only Mantis and Groot are remaining. "What do you want to do?" Mantis asks.

"I am Groot," Groot replies, wandering off. Mantis follows him to the common area, where he stretches to reach the dial for the sound system. A song starts to play, something about high mountains and low valleys and wide rivers. Groot starts to dance along. Mantis smiles as she sits and watches him.

Watching Groot is an easy way for her to help out on the ship, but sometimes it hurts a little. He's happy, and she's glad of it, but it reminds her of Ego's children. Perhaps they were happy before she met them, but they weren't after. For a moment, she imagines someone treating Groot the way Ego treated his children, and she wants to cry.

"I am Groot?" A small hand rests on Mantis's knee. Groot looks up at her with concern in his big eyes, his head tilted slightly to the side. "I am Groot?"

"I am alright," Mantis replies, patting Groot on the head lightly. "Just thinking. Do you want to keep dancing or do you want to do something else?"

"I am Groot!"

Mantis frowns. "What are cookies?"

Groot gapes at her. "I am  _Groot_!"

"Do you have a recipe?" Mantis asks. "We can try to make them."

"I am Groot," Groot replies smugly. He grabs her hand and climbs onto her shoulder, then tugs lightly on her hair. "I am Groot!"

Mantis laughs. "I am going!"

They head to the kitchen, where Groot jumps off her shoulder and turns on the tablet on the table. He taps at the screen, a little frown on his face, then his face lights up and he tugs on Mantis's finger.

"I am Groot! I am Groot!"

"I see it," Mantis says, smiling. "Let me see if we have all the ingredients."

Luckily, they do have all the things they need for cookies. Groot insists on helping, although he makes a mess more than anything else. With a lot of work on Mantis's part, they end up making a batch of cookies, which are just coming out of the oven when the others come back.

"Are those cookies?" Peter yells. Mantis can hear him heading towards the kitchen.

"Groot wanted to make them," she replies, setting the tray down. "Is that alright?"

"I am Groot!" Groot adds, tugging on Peter's pant leg.

"You've never had cookies?" Peter asks Mantis. "That is a  _tragedy_."

"You should try them," Drax says. "They are very pleasing."

"Not yet, though," Peter adds quickly. "They're still too hot. We need to let them cool."

"Cookies?" Gamora asks as she enters the kitchen, picking one up and taking a bite. "They're good. Did you make them, Mantis?"

"I thought you said they were too hot," Mantis says, looking to Peter in confusion.

"I'm pretty sure Gamora can't feel temperature," Peter replies, waving a hand in dismissal. "She does this all the time. They're too hot for anyone who doesn't have Gamora's crazy mouth."

"I am Groot," Groot tells Gamora conspiratorially.

"You haven't had cookies?" Gamora asks Mantis.

"No," Mantis admits. "Is that very strange?"

"I had never had cookies before I met Peter," Gamora replies.

"Yeah, cause both of you had asshole dads who treated you like shit," Rocket says as he enters the kitchen.

Mantis frowns. "I do not know who my father is."

"He is referring to Ego," Drax tells her.

Mantis's frown deepens. "I am not one of Ego's children."

"He's being a dick, is what he is," Peter says, glaring at Rocket. "Ignore him."

"It's not like I'm  _wrong_ ," Rocket grumbles, but he doesn't say anything else.

"Here," Peter says, holding out a cookie to Mantis. "They should be cooled enough. And burning your mouth on fresh cookies is kinda part of the experience. Try it."

Mantis looks down at the cookie, then she takes a very tentative nibble.

"I am Groot?" Groot demands eagerly.

"It's delicious," Mantis says, taking another bite.

"Everyone likes cookies," Peter says, eating a cookie of his own. "It's science."

Mantis wonders if Nebula has ever had a cookie, but she doesn't ask. She's noticed that the others can be a little strange about her asking questions about Nebula. Gamora is the only one who really seems to willing to talk about her, and she never seems to understand why Mantis wants to do so. Mantis has stopped trying.

"It's delicious," Mantis repeats as she finishes the cookie. She gives Peter a little bow. "Thank you for letting me have one."

"Hey, you made them," Peter says.

"I am  _Groot_!"

"Okay, you  _and_  Groot made them. You can have as many as you want."

Mantis looks around at the others, just to be sure, then she picks up another cookie and takes a careful bite. It's just as delicious as the first.  _I made this,_  she thinks as she eats the cookie. And as she looks around at the happiness around her that the cookies have brought, she can't help but think,  _I made this too._


	2. Chapter 2

_"Kind people are kind because they know firsthand that life isn't."  
_ _-Nae ([wistfulfern](https://wistfulfern.tumblr.com/post/161043710316/geekdawson-kindness-is-often-mistaken-for))_

_All of Ego's children were young when they arrived on his planet, save one. "Tomorrow, my daughter Xeyla will arrive," he told Mantis one day. "She's around your age. I wondered if the ability to manipulate the light might come with age, so I'm using her as an experiment."_

_Mantis nodded and accepted the explanation, but privately she wondered about it. Ego had brought other young children to the planet and killed them after the usual five days. If he thought age might be the key to manipulating the light, wouldn't he have spared them until he finished his experiment? It didn't add up, and Mantis wondered if perhaps, somehow, this Xeyla had evaded Ego's grasp for years._

_When Xeyla showed up the next day, Mantis had the same thought again. Xeyla was an Easik and looked like she could handle herself. She wore tight leather that was molded to her body, and she had a sword strapped to her back and a gun at her hip. As usual, Mantis went with Ego to greet her, but Xeyla didn't seem particularly upset, so she wouldn't require Mantis's help at calming down._

_"Father," she said, bowing in Ego's direction._

_"Xeyla," Ego said, smiling. "I'm so happy to finally meet you."_

_"Is this my sister?" Xeyla asked, her eyes on Mantis. For some reason, the gaze made Mantis's cheeks grow warm._

_"No," Ego replied, "this is my assistant, Mantis."_

_"Well, in that case, hello, Mantis," Xeyla said, smiling at Mantis and bowing slightly at her. Her eyes stayed fixed on Mantis's the whole time, and Mantis's cheeks grew even warmer._

_Ego looked from Xeyla to Mantis, a calculating expression on his face, then he smiled. "Xeyla, would you like a tour of the planet?"_

_"I would love a tour," Xeyla replied. "Perhaps Mantis could show me. I'm sure you have things to do, Father. Mother always told me my father was a very busy man."_

_Ego blinked, looking wrong-footed for a moment, but he quickly hid it. "Of course Mantis can show you," he replied. "Mantis, you don't mind, do you?"_

_"Of course not," Mantis replied, bowing at Ego._

_"Excellent," Xeyla said, smiling._

_"And after, we can talk, Xeyla," Ego added. "I've been waiting to meet you for a very long time."_

_"Of course, Father," Xeyla said, although she didn't sound like she cared very much either way._

_Ego looked from Xeyla to Mantis again, then left. Xeyla let out a long breath and smiled at Mantis._

_"He seems to think a lot of himself," she remarked. "Mother always said my father was busy and that's why he never visited, but even busy men can visit if they want to. If he's been waiting for so long to meet me, why didn't he reach out to me before?"_

_"I- I do not know," Mantis stammered._

_"Well, enough about him," Xeyla declared. "Come on, give me a tour."_

_Mantis had never given anyone a tour of the planet before, but she did her best, taking Xeyla around to her favorite spots. Every time she looked at Xeyla, though, she seemed to be looking at Mantis._

_"The sunsets here are particularly lovely," Mantis remarked as they reached the top of one ridge._

_"It is lovely," Xeyla replied, but she was looking at Mantis, not at the setting sun. She reached out a hand, but Mantis yanked hers away before Xeyla could touch her._

_"Oh." Xeyla blinked. "Have I been misreading this entirely?"_

_"No, it's-" Mantis folded her hands in front of her. "I am an empath. If my skin touches yours, I will be able to read all of your emotions."_

_"Is that it?" Xeyla asked. She held out a hand. "I don't have anything to hide."_

_"Are you sure?" Mantis asked, lifting a hand and holding it a few inches above Xeyla's._

_"I'm sure," Xeyla replied, her eyes still fixed on Mantis's._

_Mantis slowly lowered her hand until it touched Xeyla's. The rush of emotions was immediate, but she focused on one._

_"You are… attracted to me," she said slowly. "Romantically."_

_"I am," Xeyla agreed. "Are you attracted to me?"_

_Mantis looked at Xeyla. She thought about the way Xeyla's attraction had felt, and compared it to her own feelings. "I think I am."_

_Xeyla smiled. She took Mantis's hand in her own and brought it up to her lips, brushing a gentle kiss across Mantis's knuckles that sent sparks of arousal through Mantis's body, some of them hers and some Xeyla's._

_"Then I'm very glad my father suddenly wanted to meet me," Xeyla said, and Mantis's stomach dropped. She'd almost been able to forget that Xeyla was one of Ego's children, that Xeyla had five days to learn how to control the light or Ego would kill her. Mantis was under no illusions that Ego would spare her otherwise._

_She just had to hope that age was the key, like Ego had said, and Xeyla would be able to control the light. If she couldn't… Well, it didn't bear thinking about._

* * *

Gamora is worried.

Mantis hasn't touched her, but she's gotten better at reading people's emotions on their faces, and she can tell that Gamora is worried about something. She doesn't know what's worrying her, but she assumes everyone will find out soon.

They do, and Mantis is suddenly just as worried as Gamora looks.

"Who's got your sister?" Peter asks, looking stunned.

"A group of some sort of space pirates," Gamora replies. "They're Kree."

"How the hell did they get her?" Rocket asks. "Your sister is scary."

"They were able to disable her cybernetic enhancements," Gamora says. "Or that's what they said in their message."

Peter frowns. "But disabling cybernetic enhancements…"

"I know."

"I do not understand," Mantis says, considering no one seems likely to explain more. "If they have disabled her enhancements, can we not just turn them back on?"

Gamora sighs. "Disabling Nebula's enhancements probably means overloading them with sensory input. It's the easiest way, but it's also the most painful. The reason she hasn't escaped is because she's in too much pain to think."

Mantis swallows. "Will she be alright?"

"Once we undo it, she'll be fine," Peter says. "But this means we can't count on Nebula to help us get her out."

"So we make a plan that doesn't rely on her," Rocket says. "I mean, we gotta factor in that she'll be basically useless, but we're the Guardians of the goddamn Galaxy. We can rescue one crazy lady from a bunch of Kree assholes."

"We just need to be careful," Peter says. "And a plan probably wouldn't hurt either."

"Can I help?" Mantis asks.

All eyes turn to her.

"I…" Mantis shrinks a little under the stares. "I wish to help rescue Nebula. I am fond of her."

"Look, Mantis…" Peter looks at Gamora, then back at Mantis. "You can keep the ship running. And keep an eye on Groot, he shouldn't come with us."

"I can do more than that," Mantis protests. "I am very good with a gun."

"There will be great violence," Drax says. "You are not suited to violence."

"I can help!"

"And you will help," Gamora says. "We'll need to make a quick exit. If you keep the ship running, we'll be able to do so."

They think she's too innocent for the rescue mission. A part of Mantis wants to scream at them that she's not. She has been complicit in the deaths of hundreds of children, she has their blood on her hands, and she is not too innocent for a bit of violence.

But they won't believe her, and she shouldn't scream at the people who are giving her a place to stay. "I will keep the ship running," she says.

Peter looks a little conflicted, but Gamora plows forward, starting to come up with a plan, and everyone gets swept up in it. After, though, Peter comes over to Mantis instead of going to the bridge.

"Uh, hey, Mantis, you know we're not trying to order you around, right?" he says. "We just don't want you to get hurt."

"I understand," Mantis says, nodding. "I am not yet tested in combat, so I am not prepared to go on this mission."

"You get it?" Peter says, looking relieved. "Cause, it's not like you have to do what we say or anything, we're just trying to protect you."

Mantis nods again. "I understand."

"Well." Peter nods once. "That's good. I'm glad you understand. Uh… let's go rescue Nebula, then."

Mantis offers Peter a little smile, then he heads to the cockpit and leaves Mantis alone with the worry crawling under her skin.

* * *

_On Xeyla's first night on Ego's planet, she found Mantis sitting on the steps outside of Ego's home. Mantis looked at her in surprise when she heard the quiet footsteps behind her. Ego always dined with his children when they were on the planet, and Mantis was never invited to the dinners. Xeyla ought to have been inside with Ego, not outside with Mantis._

_"Father wanted to have dinner, but he's boring," Xeyla announced, sitting next to Mantis on the stoop. "You're much more interesting."_

_"Your father is a great man," Mantis said, knowing it was what Ego would want her to say._

_Xeyla scoffed. "Doesn't seem like it to me. I definitely like you better."_

_Xeyla laid her hand on the stoop, bare inches from Mantis's. Mantis moved her hand a little closer, and Xeyla closed the distance between them. Her emotions sparked through Mantis's veins, attraction and arousal all mixed up in one._

_"You're beautiful," Xeyla said, taking Mantis's hand in both of hers. Xeyla's hands had the calluses of an adventurer, while Mantis's were smooth. "You look almost delicate. But I'm guessing you're not as fragile as you look."_

_"Why do you think that?" Mantis asked. She knew she was supposed to act a certain way around Ego's children, supposed to act naive and guileless so they didn't suspect anything of Ego, but she couldn't bring herself to do it this time._

_"You have a strength in you," Xeyla said. She lifted one hand to Mantis's chest and laid it flat over Mantis's heart. "A strength here. I think you've seen more than you'd like, and you know more than you'd admit."_

_"And if I have?" Mantis asked, leaning forward a little. Xeyla had a sort of strange gravity around her; Mantis had gotten caught in it, and now she was stuck._

_"Then you're even more beautiful," Xeyla replied, then she laid a gentle kiss on Mantis's lips._

_Mantis didn't know exactly what to do, but Xeyla did, so Mantis did too. Xeyla angled her head slightly to deepen the kiss, and Mantis raised her free hand to the back of Xeyla's head. She had never kissed before - she had never had anyone_ to _kiss before - but she liked it. She wanted to keep it, to keep Xeyla, more than she had ever wanted anything before._

_She wanted Xeyla to control the light and live._

_Mantis's own fear and sorrow burst through the dam that Xeyla's emotions had created, and she broke off the kiss with a little gasp. "Are you alright?" Xeyla asked, concern in her eyes._

_"I-" What could she do? She couldn't tell Xeyla. She couldn't help her control the light. She couldn't convince Ego not to kill her if she failed._

_She couldn't do anything._

_"I am alright," Mantis said. "Will you kiss me again?"_

_Xeyla's lips curved into a smile. "You liked it, then?"_

_"Very much," Mantis replied. "I have never kissed anyone else before, but it is very enjoyable."_

_"You've never kissed anyone?" Xeyla asked._

_Mantis shook her head._

_"That's a tragedy," Xeyla said. She leaned forward, her lips so close to Mantis's that Mantis could feel her breath on them. "I think we should make up for lost time."_

_With Xeyla's lips on hers, and Xeyla's emotions crashing through her mind, Mantis could almost forget about Ego and the light and the unknown threat hanging over Xeyla's head._

_Almost._

* * *

The mission, as far as Mantis can tell, goes according to plan. She waits in the ship with Groot while the others charge in, get Nebula, and charge back out. She pilots away as quickly as she can, then she goes to find the others.

They're still by the airlock, Nebula lying on the floor and thrashing against Gamora and Drax's hold as she screams. "Rocket, hurry up!" Peter yells.

"I'm hurrying as fast as I can!" Rocket retorts. "I can't just whip this up in a second, Quill!"

"She's  _hurting_!" Gamora snaps. "Fix it!"

"What is happening?" Mantis asks worriedly.

"Mantis!" Peter says, whirling around. "You shouldn't-"

"Her cybernetic enhancements are still overloaded," Gamora says. "They're still hurting her."

"I can make her sleep," Mantis offers immediately.

Peter's eyes go wide. "Mantis, no, you-"

"I can do it," Mantis repeats. "I want to help her."

"Mantis-"

"It is my choice," Mantis says, her voice sharper than she means for it to be, and Peter's mouth closes with a snap.

"You can make it stop hurting?" Gamora asks.

Mantis nods. "I can put her to sleep. She will not feel anything."

Gamora sets her jaw. "Do it."

"Gamora!" Peter cries.

"My sister is hurting," Gamora snaps. "We need to stop it."

"If Mantis does this, she'll hurt just as much," Peter retorts. "Mantis, you can't-"

"It is my choice," Mantis repeats, and she puts a hand on either side of Nebula's head.

Pain pain  _pain_  crashes into her, waves of agony so strong she can hardly breathe. Beneath it is anger (pain) betrayal ( _pain_ ) sorrow ( _PAIN_ ) and beneath that, just barely-

 _PAIN_ -

"Mantis!" someone calls, and Mantis gasps for air as she surfaces from Nebula's emotions the best she can. She's barely treading water, but it's all she needs for now.

 _Sleep,_  she commands, but the command is too weak against the endless pain battering against it. "Sleep," she says aloud, her brow furrowing. Still, it doesn't take.

" _Sleep!_ "

Nebula's eyes close and her body goes limp. The agony recedes as her emotions dampen under Mantis's blanket of slumber, but there are still threads and sparks and she knows that this is how Nebula lives every day and it  _hurts_ -

Someone grabs Mantis and pulls her away, and she realizes she's panting like she's just run for miles. She blinks until Peter's concerned face comes into focus in front of her.

"Mantis,  _Mantis_ , are you okay?"

"I…" She gasps, her lungs unable to hold air for long enough that she can form words. "I am alright."

"You don't look alright," Peter counters.

"I will be fine," Mantis says. "I just need a few minutes."

"Okay." Peter nods to himself, then helps Mantis to the common area and onto the sofa. "Stay here. I'll be back in a minute."

"I am fine," Mantis protests, but Peter's already gone.

She closes her eyes and leans against the wall of the ship. She can still feel the echoes of Nebula's pain sparking in her nerves. She knows she's not injured, but for a second she thinks she must be. Why else would she feel like this?

Someone puts a hand on her leg, and Mantis looks down to see Groot staring up at her, worry in his big dark eyes. "I am Groot?" he asks tentatively.

"I am alright," Mantis says. She offers a hand to Groot, who takes it to pull himself onto the sofa. His emotions are pure and uncomplicated. He is worried, but he is not hurt. Mantis bathes herself in it.

"I am Groot?" Groot asks, clambering up onto her shoulder to sit.

"You are helping very much," Mantis replies. "Thank you, Groot."

A few minutes later, Peter returns. "How is Nebula?" Mantis asks immediately.

"She'll be fine," Peter replies. "Rocket made something to fix her enhancements, so they're not hurting her anymore. How hard did you hit her with your sleep thing?"

"I do not think it will last more than an hour," Mantis replies. "But I could wake her now, if you prefer."

"She could probably use the sleep," Peter replies. "Gamora's with her right now, but she wanted me to thank you. You really helped Nebula."

"I am fond of her," Mantis says again. "I wanted to help. And it was not that difficult."

"It hurt you," Peter protests.

"Only for a moment," Mantis replies. "I am alright, Peter."

Peter sighs. "You might even get a thank you from Nebula when she wakes up. Or she'll try to kill you for messing with her head."

"She is safe, and no longer in pain," Mantis replies. "That matters more than a thank you."

Peter looks at her for a moment, then shakes his head fondly. "You're pretty great, Mantis, do you know that?"

Mantis smiles. "Thank you."

Peter leans down and lays a quick kiss on the top of her head, between her antennae, then he straightens up again. "I should go make sure Rocket doesn't crash the ship or something. If you need anything, find me, okay?"

"I'm fine, really," Mantis protests, but Peter's already gone.

She is fine, and Nebula will be fine, and that's all that matters. Mantis has lost too many people to stomach losing another.

* * *

_"You should be spending time with your father."_

_Xeyla shrugged as she sprawled out next to Mantis. "He's boring. I like you better."_

_"He will be missing you," Mantis warned, but she shifted closer to Xeyla anyway._

_"Let him miss me," Xeyla replied. "All he wants to talk about is his 'light' and my connection to this planet. I'd rather be with you."_

_"Have you been able to sense the light?" Mantis asked, hoping against hope that the answer would finally be yes._

_"No, not really," Xeyla replied. Mantis's heart sank. "But why are we talking about Ego when we could be doing something much more fun?"_

_Xeyla's fingers walked up Mantis's stomach slowly. Mantis swallowed._

_"Can you feel my emotions?" Xeyla asked._

_"No," Mantis replied, feeling Xeyla's fingers travel further up her chest. "I can only feel your emotions if your skin touches mine."_

_"Well," Xeyla said, leaning in, "then we should fix that."_

_Her lips were tender against Mantis's, so unbelievably tender. Her feelings crashed over Mantis like a wave, completely burying any worry about Ego. Mantis gasped against Xeyla's lips and felt it when Xeyla huffed out a small laugh against hers._

_"Can you feel me now?" Xeyla asked, pulling her lips away but pressing her forehead to Mantis's._

_"I can."_

_"Then you'll know that I'm completely honest when I say you're the most beautiful thing I've ever seen."_

_Her honesty was so complete that Mantis could almost taste it._

_"You cannot feel it, but I am being honest when I say you're the most beautiful thing_ I've _ever seen," she replied._

_"I believe you," Xeyla replied. She took Mantis's hand and intertwined their fingers together. "When I leave here, will you come with me?"_

_"When you leave?" Mantis repeated._

_"I can't stay here forever," Xeyla replied. "I have a life, out there in the galaxy. But I don't want to leave you."_

_Mantis felt her stomach twist. Xeyla would never be able to leave. If she couldn't control the light, Ego would kill her, and if she could, Ego would never let her go._

_"Yes," she whispered anyway. "When you leave, I will come with you."_

_Xeyla smiled. "You'll love it. Have you ever traveled in space before?"_

_"Once," Mantis replied. "When I was still a larva. Ego found me orphaned on my planet and brought me here. But I have not left since."_

_"Being in space is the most amazing thing you can imagine," Xeyla said. "The stars look close enough to touch, and you're alone but also more connected with the universe than you've ever been before." She sighed and closed her eyes. "I can't wait to show you."_

_"I would love to see it," Mantis replied. Her heart ached and she leaned against Xeyla's shoulder, burying her face in the crook of Xeyla's neck._

_"Are you okay?" Xeyla asked, her concern flowing into Mantis's veins._

_"I do not want to think right now," Mantis mumbled._

_She felt the warmth of Xeyla's smile. "I think I can help with that."_

* * *

"Gamora said you put me to sleep."

Mantis jumps, whirling around. Nebula is standing in the doorway to her room, looking at the floor.

"I did not know you were awake!" Mantis cries, jumping to her feet. "Are you in any pain?"

"No," Nebula replies. "I…" She looks uncomfortable. "I was, and then something was there, and the pain went away. Gamora said that was you."

"I used my powers to put you to sleep," Mantis explains. "I apologize for reading your emotions without permission, but you were in so much pain, and-"

"I'm not angry," Nebula says. "I'm…" Her mouth twists a little. "I'm grateful."

Mantis blinks. "Oh."

"Don't do it again," Nebula adds quickly.

Mantis shakes her head. "I will not."

Nebula nods once. "I… I'll be staying here for a while. I don't have a ship, and Gamora says you're not heading anywhere where I can get one."

Mantis didn't know they were necessarily heading anywhere, but she keeps her mouth shut. If Gamora is lying to Nebula to keep her here, Mantis understands why.

"Do you need anything?" Mantis asks. "I can help you find things."

Nebula scowls. "Why do you act like their servant?"

"What?"

"The Guardians." Nebula speaks the word with derision. "You act like their servant. Why?"

"I wish to be useful," Mantis replies. "The others all can do things to help, so I like to do whatever I can to help as well."

Nebula frowns. "Ego was your father," she says. It's not a question.

"He was my master," Mantis corrects.

Nebula's mouth twists. "Is there a difference?"

"I do not understand."

"These Guardians… They aren't like your old master. They're not like my old master either. They're foolish and naive and their bleeding hearts will be the death of them someday, but they won't throw you out because you're not useful."

"They have said so," Mantis says. "But…"

Nebula looks at her, her dark eyes unreadable. "You're not as innocent as they think you are."

"And you are not as cruel," Mantis counters.

Nebula scowls. "You're as foolish as the rest of them."

"You have never hurt me," Mantis says. "You have had many opportunities, but you never have."

"You've never given me reason."

"Someone truly cruel wouldn't need a reason."

"Gamora said that you said you were… fond of me," Nebula says hesitantly. "And I-"

She stops, making a face like she's pained. Mantis frowns a little. "Are you alright?"

"You're not as bad as the others," Nebula blurts out, then she turns on her heel and leaves the room.

Mantis blinks. She's not quite sure what just happened, but she thinks she'd like to find out.

She's glad that Nebula is staying on the ship for a while longer. She'd like to spend more time with her, and she thinks Nebula, even though she won't admit it, might like to spend time with her too.

* * *

_On the fourth day that Xeyla spent on Ego's planet, she and Mantis had a picnic lunch, at Xeyla's insistence. "It'll be fun!" she'd said, and Mantis, too focused on the fact that Xeyla only had one more day to learn how to control the light, had agreed without any more convincing._

_It was fairly fun, or it would have been if the looming threat of Ego weren't hanging over Xeyla's neck, unbeknownst to her. Mantis could only drown herself in Xeyla's emotions so much. She'd gotten too good at separating her emotions from the emotions of others, and she could still feel her own anxiety thrumming in time with her heartbeat._

_"What's bothering you?" Xeyla asked as they sat next to each other on the picnic blanket._

_"Nothing is bothering me," Mantis replied, too quickly._

_Xeyla made a disbelieving noise. "I might not be able to read emotions by touch, but I can tell when someone's worried about something. What are you worried about?"_

_"Nothing that can be changed."_

_Xeyla frowned, taking Mantis's hands in her own. "I don't believe that. Nothing is set in stone."_

_"This is."_

_"Tell me what it is," Xeyla offered. "I'll help you figure it out."_

_"I'm not allowed to tell you," Mantis whispered._

_Xeyla's frown darkened. "Is this something about my father? Did he do something to you?"_

_"No!" Mantis said quickly. "Ego is very good to me. He-"_

_The words stuck in her throat. Ego was good to her, for a given value of good, but unless Xeyla learned to control the light within the next day, he would not be good to her._

_"Have you learned to control the light?" Mantis asked._

_Xeyla shook her head. "Honestly, I can't even feel it. What does that have to do with anything, Mantis? Tell me. I want to help."_

_Mantis remembered what she'd thought when she first saw Xeyla. She could take care of herself, and it was possible that she had evaded Ego's grasp for years. If she'd done it before, perhaps she could do it again._

_"Ego has had many children," Mantis blurted out. She kept her voice hushed, even though Ego was nowhere near them; she had no idea how much he could hear. "He has brought them all here, to try to control the light."_

_"Where are they?" Xeyla asked._

_Mantis shook her head. "They… Xeyla, he…"_

_"He kills them," Xeyla said flatly. "Is that what you're trying to say? He kills his children?"_

_"Every one of them," Mantis whispered. "He gives them five days to control the light, then he…"_

_"Five days?" Xeyla said. "So…"_

_"You have one day left," Mantis said. "Xeyla, I should have told you before, I'm so sorry-"_

_"We're getting out of here," Xeyla interrupted. "Both of us. We're leaving, now." She stood, holding a hand out to Mantis. "We're getting away from here, and then we'll report my father to the authorities, and they'll stop him. He will never hurt another child again."_

_"Xeyla…" Mantis hesitated. "No one can stop him."_

_"Nothing is set in stone," Xeyla said again. "We'll leave, and we'll stop him."_

_Slowly, Mantis took Xeyla's hand._

_"Come on," Xeyla said, turning, and then before she had a chance to take a single step, a blue spear of light flew out of the ground and pierced Xeyla's chest._

_Mantis screamed as Xeyla collapsed, her eyes going dull. "Xeyla, Xeyla,_ Xeyla _," she sobbed, falling to her knees, but when she touched Xeyla's face, it was already growing cold, and she couldn't feel anything at all._

_"You gave me no choice," Ego said, and Mantis whirled around to find him standing behind her, looking at Xeyla with what looked almost like real grief on his face. "She was going to leave."_

_"You would have killed her anyway," Mantis accused._

_"She had one more day," Ego replied. "And then I was considering letting her live and giving her to you. But now…" Ego shook his head. "You did this, Mantis."_

_"No," Mantis whispered, bending over Xeyla. "No, no, no-"_

_"I know everything that happens on this planet," Ego added. "If you ever tell anyone else… Well, let me show you where you'll go."_

_The ground disappeared out from underneath Mantis, and she screamed as she fell._

* * *

Nebula avoids Mantis at first.

Mantis does her best not to take it personally. At first, she doesn't even notice it. She rarely sees Nebula, but the others all say that they rarely see her either. She seems to be avoiding everyone.

Except Nebula flees every time Mantis catches sight of her, and apparently she's not doing that with everyone else.

"Is Nebula angry that I looked in her mind?" Mantis asks Gamora over breakfast.

"She's not angry with you," Gamora replies. "She just doesn't like being with other people on a small ship like this."

Mantis accepts the explanation, although she thinks there must be more to it than that. She tries to give Nebula some space, staying away from the few spots where she's seen her more than once. If Nebula doesn't like being around so many other people, Mantis will try to make things easier for her.

She's practicing the combat drills Gamora gave her in the training room when Nebula finally seeks her out. "Your elbow is sticking out too much," she calls, startling Mantis enough that she almost falls over.

"Nebula! Do you wish to train? I could leave."

Nebula scowls. "You need training more than I do. Tuck your elbow in. And keep your stance more balanced."

"Like this?" Mantis asks, holding her elbow closer to her body and trying to distribute her weight better between her legs.

"Better," Nebula replies. "Did Gamora teach you these drills?"

"She said they were good for a beginner."

Nebula scoffs. "They won't do you much good in a real fight. Try this." In a whirlwind of motion, Nebula advances on the punching bag, kicks it hard, grabs it from behind, and wraps her arm around neck-height. "Then you snap their neck."

"I do not wish to kill people," Mantis replies quickly. "I just wish to touch them, so I can put them to sleep."

"And if you don't have that option? Some people will hold out against you."

Mantis feels her antennae droop. "I do not want to kill." She's complicit in so many deaths, and she refuses to be the reason for anyone else to lose their life.

Nebula softens, just a little. "You can make someone pass out like this too. Choke them until they lose consciousness, then let them go. They don't die."

"I could try that," Mantis replies, a bit dubiously. "But I cannot move as fast as you do."

"You'll get there," Nebula replies. "Try this."

She demonstrates a high kick, this time much more slowly. Mantis tries to do the same thing and almost falls over.

"You're not balanced," Nebula tells her. "You need to have weight behind the kick, but not so much that you fall over."

Mantis tries to shift her weight a little. She's not sure she's doing it right, but she tries again anyway.

This time, she really does fall. "Oh!" she cries as she loses her balance and tumbles to the ground. Nebula watches her clamber back to her feet, her arms crossed across her chest.

"Try again."

Obediently, Mantis stands and gets into a ready position. Before she can kick, though, Nebula comes up to her and puts her hands on Mantis's hips.

"Not like that. Like this."

Mantis allows Nebula to manhandle her into the right position, hoping that the flush on her cheeks will be mistaken for exertion. When Nebula finally takes her hands away, Mantis doesn't allow herself to crave the return of the touch. She just tries the kick again, and this time, she keeps her balance.

"Good," Nebula says. She comes around to stand in front of Mantis. "Let's spar."

Mantis's eyes go wide. "You will beat me very quickly."

"I'm teaching you," Nebula replies. "I'll go easy."

"You will still beat me very quickly."

"We'll see."

Before Mantis has a chance to think, Nebula lunges for her. It's only pure instinct that allows Mantis to get out of the way in time. Nebula swings and Mantis drops under the flying fist. Her heart is pounding, and for the first time, she thinks she might understand the enjoyment that the others find in a good fight.

"You're just avoiding me," Nebula calls after Mantis ducks a few more blows. "Are you just waiting for someone else to save you?"

The Guardians aren't the type to leave someone behind, but Mantis knows better than to rely on someone else to save her. "No," she replies, and when Nebula next swings at her, she drops down and tries to sweep her feet out from under her like Gamora taught Mantis to do last week.

Nebula's lips split into a grin. "That's more like it," she says as she jumps out of the way of Mantis's swinging leg. "Fight me, don't just let me fight you."

Hesitantly, Mantis takes a more aggressive stance. She doesn't land a single blow, but Nebula's smile grows through the fight. Nebula's not landing any blows either, although Mantis is certain she could. For now, Nebula is letting them be almost evenly matched.

When Nebula next swings at Mantis with her real fist, Mantis grabs her arm. If she can lay her skin against Nebula's, then she can put her to sleep, and the fight will be over. She's trying to slide her hand under Nebula's sleeve when Nebula grabs her arm and throws her to the ground, pinning both of her arms above her head.

"If you want to touch me and put me to sleep, you need to do it in one motion," she says, not even breathing hard. Mantis is panting beneath her, looking up into her dark eyes. "If you need to do more than that, it won't work."

"I understand," Mantis replies, and in one motion, she surges upward and presses her lips against Nebula's.

Her intention is to use Nebula's shock to put her to sleep, even if just for a moment, and thus win their spar. What she's not expecting is the wave of Nebula's arousal that crashes over her, the battery of Nebula's attraction, the way Nebula barely feels her unending pain because she's too busy feeling the press of Mantis's body against hers.

Mantis pulls away, her eyes going wide. "You are… attracted to me?"

Nebula is frozen for a long moment, and then she lets go of Mantis and leaves the room at a sprint. Mantis stays on the floor, one hand drifting down to touch her tingling lips.

Neither the pounding of her heart nor the flush in her cheeks are from exertion, and she doesn't think she'd be able to pretend they were.

* * *

_Mantis spent a full week in the cavern beneath the surface of the planet. It was, she quickly discovered, where Ego sent the bodies of his murdered children. It was full of skeletons, far more than would account for the children Mantis had known. How long had Ego been doing this?_

_She dug Xeyla a grave with her bare hands and laid her body in it. It wasn't much, but Xeyla deserved more than to be left in a cavern full of bones. All of the children deserved better, but there was only so much Mantis could do._

_When Ego finally descended into the cave, Mantis almost sobbed with relief. Even being with Ego was preferable to waiting in the dark with the bodies of the dead._

_"Oh, Mantis," Ego sighed, holding a hand out to help her up. "Do you see how foolish you were now?"_

_"I'm sorry," Mantis begged. "I'm so sorry, Master."_

_"I know you are," Ego replied, brushing her hair out of her face with one hand. "Come on. Let's get you cleaned up."_

_Mantis blinked against the bright sunlight when Ego led her out of the cavern, shrinking against his side. Ego put a gentle arm around her shoulders. "You'll get used to the sun again," he promised. "You just need time."_

_When they reached Ego's estate, Ego led her into one of his own rooms, one that Mantis had never dared enter. "Come in here," he told her, taking her into a room with a bathtub larger than Mantis's entire room, already filled with water. "Wash yourself up. I'll make you some new clothes to replace those ones."_

_"Thank you," Mantis said, her voice shaky._

_Ego tucked a finger under her jaw to lift her face. "You've learned your lesson, haven't you?" he asked, his voice steely under the gentle mask._

_"I have, Master."_

_"You will never tell another child, will you?"_

_"Never, Master."_

_"If you do, I won't come back to get you," Ego warned. "I'll leave you in that cavern. You don't want that, do you, Mantis?"_

_"No, please," Mantis begged. She couldn't go back to the cavern, she_ couldn't _-_

_"Good," Ego said, letting go of Mantis's face. "Bathe. Relax. You're safe now."_

_Mantis nodded, stepping towards the bathtub. "Yes, Master."_

_Ego left the room, and Mantis slowly peeled off her clothes. They were covered in dirt and grime from the past week, and all Mantis wanted was to get rid of them. She left them on the floor as she stepped into the tub. The water was the perfect temperature, and she submerged herself entirely, feeling for the first time that maybe she could be clean again._

_She didn't dare let herself think about why Ego was being so uncharacteristically kind. She was too desperate for any scraps of kindness to analyze them too much._

_"Mantis?" Ego called after a while. "Are you alright in there? I have some clothes."_

_"I am still bathing," Mantis replied._

_Ego laughed. "Still bathing? Alright. I'll leave the clothes outside."_

_Mantis finished bathing and left the tub, wrapping herself up in a towel. Outside the door, like Ego had promised, were clothes. Mantis ducked back into the bathroom and dressed in the green and black skintight clothes, tugging the strange detached sleeves into place. She looked at herself in the mirror, then she left the room and sought out Ego._

_It turned out she didn't need to look for him; Ego was waiting for her. "Mantis," he said as she stepped out of his rooms. "You look lovely. Those clothes suit you well. I knew they would."_

_"Thank you, Master," Mantis said, bowing._

_"Now, Mantis," Ego said, "I have another child arriving in a few days."_

_"Are you not going to fetch them?" Mantis asked._

_"No," Ego replied. "I've found a pirate who'll bring them to me. A man named Yondu Udonta. So I won't have to leave you alone on the planet anymore."_

_"I am glad," Mantis replied, hoping Ego wouldn't be able to tell that she was lying through her teeth._

_"And everything will be back to normal when the child arrives, yes?" Ego asked._

_Mantis nodded. "Yes, of course, Master."_

_Ego smiled. "Good. I'd hate to have any further… unpleasantness."_

_Mantis bowed her head. "May I rest, Master?"_

_Ego smiled. "Of course, Mantis. Go rest."_

_Mantis was able to keep her composure until she reached her room, but the second the door closed behind her, she began to cry._

* * *

Mantis tries to find Nebula after the sparring session, but Nebula is very good at hiding, and she puts those skills to work. Mantis can't find her anywhere.

It's late, as least as much as it can be "late" on a spaceship with no real way to tell time, so after some searching, Mantis decides to go to bed and find Nebula in the morning. She just wants to apologize, and if Nebula will let her, to understand. It's not as if Nebula's attraction is unrequited, although without Mantis's empathic powers, Nebula might not have been able to tell. Either way, all Mantis really wants is to talk.

But she can't talk if she can't find Nebula, so Mantis goes to sleep and plans to talk to Nebula when she wakes. It's not a bad plan, but considering she wakes to the ship landing, it might need some tweaking.

"Where are we landing?" Mantis asks as she goes to the bridge.

"Nebula demanded that we drop her off somewhere where she could get a new ship," Peter replies. "Pretty rudely, to be honest. Gamora is seeing her off right now."

"Are they at the airlock?" Mantis asks, already leaving the bridge.

"Yeah," Peter replies, "but I don't think they- And you're already gone."

Mantis barely hears the last part, already halfway to the airlock. She needs to speak to Nebula before she leaves, before she has the chance to run. If Nebula goes now, Mantis doesn't think she'll come back for a long time.

She runs into the room right as Nebula is about to step off the ship. "Wait!" she cries, reaching a hand out. "Nebula, wait!"

"Mantis?" Gamora asks, looking confused, but Mantis only has eyes for Nebula. She needs to tell her-

Nebula hunches her shoulders and walks off the ship, but Mantis isn't going to let her leave this easily. She runs after her this time, grabbing her shoulder and spinning her around.

"I am attracted to you as well," she says in a burst. "I did not mean to read you last night, I did not mean to find out your secrets, but I feel the same way about you as you feel for me."

Nebula stares at her with wide, dark eyes. "You're attracted to  _me_?"

"You are beautiful," Mantis replies. "And you are brave and strong. If I could show you my emotions the way I read yours, I would let you. They are real, I promise."

"Why would you be attracted to me?" Nebula demands. "You're… You're  _kind_ , and I'm not. I'm-"

"You are not as cruel as you think," Mantis replies. "Please do not go, Nebula."

Nebula takes a step backwards. "I should."

"Please, Nebula. Not yet."

"This doesn't make sense," Nebula protests. "You shouldn't be attracted to me."

"I am," Mantis replies simply. "It makes sense to me. If you give me the chance, I will try to explain it to you."

"I-"

"Please," Mantis says again. She remembers the emotions she felt from Nebula when she put her to sleep, the pain and anger and sorrow and betrayal, and beneath all that, the fear that she would never be anything more than the weapon Thanos shaped her into. "You are beautiful to me, Nebula. I wish to show you how."

Nebula's jaw works and she avoids Mantis's eyes. "I… I need to find a new ship."

"Can I come with you?" Mantis asks desperately. If Nebula won't stay, then maybe she can go.

"It'll be too dangerous," Nebula replies.

"I am not an innocent," Mantis snaps, her voice harsher than she means for it to be. "I can fight."

"I…" Nebula looks up at her for an instant, then her eyes flicker away again. "I need time to think. On my own."

"Will you come back?" Mantis asks.

"I will," Nebula promises.

Mantis holds a hand out. Nebula takes it with her prosthetic hand. Mantis is pretty sure it's a sign that she's not allowed to read her emotions anymore, then Nebula leans forward and drops a very quick kiss on Mantis's lips. Mantis only catches a flash of emotion, but it's enough to feel Nebula's shocked pleasure.

"I will look forward to your return," Mantis says.

Nebula squeezes Mantis's hand, her prosthetic using a bit too much force, then she lets go and turns away. Mantis lets her go this time and turns back to the ship.

"Are you dating my sister?" Gamora asks, sounding shocked.

Mantis thinks about it a moment. They didn't say anything yet, but she thinks…

"I believe so," she replies. "Is that alright?"

"Will you be good to her?" Gamora demands.

Mantis nods. "I will be."

"Then it's alright." Gamora's lips almost twitch into a smile. "Welcome to the family, I suppose."

Mantis smiles. "I am glad to be part of it."


	3. Chapter 3

_"Don't mistake my kindness for weakness. I am kind to everyone, but when someone is unkind to me, weak is not what you are going to remember about me."  
_ _-Al Capone_

_Yondu Udonta was a Centaurian with blue skin and a red prosthetic fin on the top of his head. He brought Ego's next child to the planet, a little Vanir boy. "Held up my end," he said when he landed with the child. "It's your turn."_

_"You will have the money you want," Ego replied. "Mantis, take the child."_

_Mantis stepped forward and knelt in front of the little boy, who looked terrified. "Come with me," she said gently, holding out a hand. When the boy took it, she began sifting through the child's emotions, suppressing his terror and sorrow the way she knew Ego wanted her to._

_"This another one of your kids?" Yondu asked._

_"This is my assistant, Mantis," Ego replied. Assistant, Mantis thought, was a rather generous term for it, but she didn't dare contradict Ego, especially not in front of someone else. She focused on calming the child, doing her best to ignore Ego and Yondu._

_"What exactly does she assist you with?" Yondu asked, eyeing Mantis and the child suspiciously._

_"I believe the payment I'm giving you is more than sufficient to buy your silence," Ego said._

_"What's that supposed to mean?"_

_"I do not appreciate questions." Ego pulled a small contraption out of his pocket and pressed a button on it. "500,000 units, as agreed."_

_"Pleasure doing business with you," Yondu replied, turning back to his ship. Mantis lifted the child onto her hip as Yondu's ship took off, sending rocks and dust flying everywhere._

_"I should do something about that," Ego said, leaning down. He put one hand against the ground and closed his eyes. Slowly, the ground changed from dirt to solid stone._

_The Vanir child watched with wide eyes. "How did you do that?" he asked, looking at Ego in shock._

_"Come with me and I'll explain," Ego replied. "Mantis, put him down."_

_Mantis set the child down on the ground and watched as he took Ego's hand. Together, they started towards Ego's mansion, Mantis trailing a few steps behind. When Ego brought the child into the great hall with the dioramas that changed with each child, Mantis slipped away to her room. Ego wouldn't need her now, and she didn't want to be there while Ego trapped the child in his web of lies. There was nothing she could do to stop it, but she didn't want to see more of it than she had to. She would avoid the child the best she could and hope that would make his inevitable death hurt less._

_The plan only worked for a few hours. A while after night fell, right before she was going to sleep, Mantis heard a soft knock on her door. Ego never knocked, so the only option was…_

_She opened the door to see the Vanir child standing on the other side, awkwardly shifting his weight from leg to leg. "Is something wrong?"_

_"Oh! Nothing's wrong, Lady Mantis," the child replied._

_"I am not a lady," Mantis replied, kneeling to match the child's height. "You can call me Mantis. What is your name?"_

_"Gunnar."_

_"Do you need something, Gunnar?"_

_Gunnar looked up at Mantis shyly. "I can't sleep," he admitted in a whisper. "I… I miss my mother. And I'm scared."_

_Mantis opened her mouth to tell Gunnar he had nothing to be afraid of, but the lie stuck in her throat. "Your father is here," she said instead._

_"He's not like Mother," Gunnar replied. "But…" He looked at the ground, then peeked up at Mantis through his lashes. "You made me feel safe earlier. Could… Could you do that again?"_

_"Of course," Mantis replied. "We will go back to your room, and I will help you sleep."_

_They returned to Gunnar's room hand in hand, and Gunnar crawled into his bed. Mantis put her hand on his and slowly coaxed him into sleep, leeching away his fear and sorrow as she did so. By the time he was asleep, he was entirely calm._

_She'd failed in her plan to avoid the child. That much was obvious. But when Gunnar asked for help, she couldn't say no. And if other children asked, she knew she wouldn't say no to them either. She couldn't abandon the children to Ego for the last few days of their lives. There was nothing she could do to save them, but that didn't mean she couldn't try to make things as good as possible at the end._

_It would hurt, she was sure, but it would also let her help, and that was far more important._

* * *

"So wait, you and Nebula are  _what_?"

"Dating," Mantis says.

Peter looks at Gamora, who's been taking this surprisingly well, then back at Mantis. "You're dating."

"Yes."

"You're dating  _Nebula_."

"Yes."

Peter shakes his head, looking stunned. "I'm not even sure where to start."

Mantis blinks. She's not quite sure what that means. "Nebula wants me to meet her," she says instead. "On Contraxia."

" _Contraxia_?" Peter repeats, looking stunned. "She wants to go to  _Contraxia_? What sort of place is that for a date?"

"There's still a bounty on her head from Xandar," Gamora says. "She can't go anywhere too deep in the Nova Empire."

"Yeah, if that's supposed to make me feel more comfortable with Mantis dating her, it didn't work."

"She doesn't need your  _permission_ ," Gamora says, her voice heavy with disdain. "She just needs a ride."

Peter looks at Mantis helplessly, then looks back at Gamora. "Look," he hisses, "how are you okay with this? You know how dangerous your sister is. And Mantis-"

"Nebula has had many chances to hurt me," Mantis says. "She has never done it. I do not think she will."

"Yeah, but you don't know that!" Peter cries. "Nebula is dangerous. Even if she hasn't hurt you yet, she could."

Being treated like a child rankles. The words are on the tip of her tongue -  _I am not an infant for you to keep from the world, I have lived longer than you and seen things you could never dream of, if you wanted to protect me you missed your chance decades ago_  - but she swallows them. Peter is already angry with her. She shouldn't make it worse, and she knows that arguing always makes it worse.

"I wish to meet with her, please," she says instead, as calmly as she can. "Will you fly me to Contraxia?"

Peter doesn't answer for a long moment, then he huffs. "Okay, but you're taking a gun with you. And you should practice some hand-to-hand with Gamora on our way there."

"Thank you," Mantis says, too grateful for the acquiescence to protest the terms. "How long will it take to get there?"

Peter shrugs. "Two hours? Maybe a little more, maybe a little less."

"I will tell Nebula," Mantis replies.

"And tell her that I'll kick her ass if she hurts you," Peter adds.

"You'll kick Nebula's ass?" Gamora says, sounding amused.

Peter flounders. "I'll try!"

"She will not hurt me," Mantis assures him.

"I'll believe it when I see it," Peter grumbles.

Gamora rolls her eyes. "Come on, Mantis," she says. "You shouldn't need to do any fighting today, but some practice isn't a bad idea anyway."

Mantis follows Gamora to the training room. It's been over a week since Nebula left, so of course she's gone in since the kiss, but it still overwhelms every other memory once she steps through the doorway.

"Okay," Gamora says. "Come at me."

Mantis blinks. "Come at you?"

"Fight me," Gamora explains. "Let's spar."

Mantis hasn't sparred with anyone since Nebula, but she drops into a ready stance anyway. Gamora eyes her for a few moments, then she moves.

She's gentler than Nebula. Nebula never tried to hurt Mantis, and she was holding back, but she was still  _fighting_. Gamora hardly is. Mantis hadn't realized how much it was stifling her progress until she sparred with someone else and realized what she could be doing instead.

Mantis goes through the motions of the fight as usual, swinging at Gamora as Gamora slowly swings back. It's not until Mantis goes up into a kick that Gamora starts to look interested.

"Where'd you learn that?"

"Nebula taught me," Mantis replies. "We sparred together while she was on the ship."

"You sparred with her?" Gamora asks, looking surprised. "How did it go?"

"She went easy on me," Mantis says. "But she still won. But then I kissed her and she ran off."

Gamora stares at Mantis with wide eyes. "You kissed her while  _sparring_?"

"Is something wrong with that?" Mantis asks, suddenly worried.

"No," Gamora replies, but she doesn't sound very convincing. "It's just… I've never seen Nebula go easy on anyone when she spars. And she would never let someone  _kiss_  her."

"She was very surprised," Mantis confides.

Gamora's lips twitch into a slight smile. "Yeah, I bet."

"And she was a good teacher," Mantis adds. "She did not go too easy on me. I was still able to learn a lot from her."

"Well, your kick looks good," Gamora says. "Nebula was always good at those."

"Thank you," Mantis says, smiling. "She taught me well."

"You care for her," Gamora says.

"I do."

Gamora just barely smiles. "Good. She deserves someone who cares for her."

"She has you."

Gamora's smile widens. "Two people who care for her, then."

"I agree," Mantis says. She smiles back at Gamora. She's getting the hang of smiles now. "I will care for her for as long as she allows me."

Gamora's eyes twinkle. "Well, like I said, welcome to the family."

* * *

_Yondu continued to bring Ego's children to his planet. Mantis continued to calm them when they arrived. Ego continued to kill them when they failed to control the light. It was a terrible cycle, but not one that Mantis felt she could ever break free from._

_Then, one day, she found Ego pacing up and down outside the doors, rage written all over his face._

_"Master? Has something happened?"_

_"Udonta was supposed to bring me a child today," Ego said, his words clipped and angry. "He hasn't done it."_

_"Could he be delayed?" Mantis asked, not daring to believe that someone else had finally stood up to Ego._

_"He has betrayed me," Ego snapped. "He stole my child."_

You were going to kill the child anyway, _Mantis didn't allow herself to say. "Do you have other children?"_

_"Of course I do," Ego retorted. "But I wanted this one."_

_"Why?"_

_Ego glared at her. "It is not your place to question me, Mantis."_

_"I apologize, Master," Mantis replied quickly, inclining her head. "I did not mean to."_

_"I will find someone else to collect my children," Ego said, his brow furrowed. "And I will hire someone to bring Udonta and my son to me."_

_"You could collect your children yourself," Mantis suggested. "So no one will be able to steal them again."_

_Ego's frown deepened. "Perhaps I will," he replied. "You will come with me."_

_Mantis felt her eyes go wide. "I will?"_

_"I'll need you to put me to sleep," Ego replied. "You'll stay on the ship, of course, but you'll be able to calm the children immediately instead of waiting until we reach home."_

_"Yes, Master," Mantis replied, bowing her head as she mourned the opportunity for a hint of freedom. If Ego left, she would have at least some time alone, as she had once had. But if he took her with him, she wouldn't have any._

_"I will find someone to fetch Udonta first," Ego declared. He held out a hand. "Come with me, Mantis."_

_"Now?" Mantis asked. "But-"_

_"_ Come _, Mantis," Ego repeated, his voice sharpening._

_Mantis swallowed and followed Ego. He led her to a ship that he'd left untouched for years, while he'd had Yondu to fetch his children. Before that, Mantis would watch Ego board and leave whenever he went to collect a child, and she would breathe a sigh of relief once he was gone. Now, she would leave with him._

_"Come, Mantis," Ego called again as he stepped onto the ship. "We'll have to find someone to go after Udonta. I won't trust this mission to just any bounty hunter."_

_"Are you certain he betrayed you?" Mantis dared to ask._

_Ego turned around, fire in his eyes. "You. Do. Not. Question. Me."_

_Mantis bowed immediately, hoping to escape as much of Ego's wrath as she could. The ship had already taken off, and Mantis wasn't sure what exactly Ego's powers were when he was separated from his planet, but she didn't want to test him._

_"I am sorry. I am merely confused. Why would he betray you?"_

_"Because he's a sentimental fool," Ego snapped. "I should have seen it before. He asked about the other children. He thought he could provide for them better than I could. I'm their father. How dare he?"_

Anyone could provide for those children better than you, _Mantis thought traitorously, but she didn't dare let herself speak the words aloud._

_"He was wrong," she said instead._

_"He was," Ego replied, sounding like he relished the words. "And I'll show him how wrong he was. I'll hire someone to show him what happens to people who cross me."_

_"Are you sure the child will not get hurt in the crossfire?" Mantis asked, jumping on the opportunity to protect Yondu. She hadn't ever liked him that much, but he was trying to protect a child from Ego, and for that, he deserved Mantis's respect._

_"Anyone who hurts my child will face my wrath," Ego snarled, apparently unaware of the irony of the statement. "No one will touch Peter."_

_"Peter?" Mantis asked._

_Ego scowled. "My child is named Peter. He's from Terra."_

_Ego tended not to repeat species in his attempts to create a child who could control the light, so Mantis wasn't sure what a Terran would look like, but she just nodded. "Do you think he will be able to control the light?"_

_"I will give him the chance," Ego replied. "And we will find out."_

_"Should you try to find Yondu yourself?" Mantis suggested tentatively. "So you can be sure Peter is safe?"_

_Ego's brow furrowed. "Hmm. Perhaps. I'll think on it while we fly."_

_"Do you wish for me to put you to sleep?"_

_"Not yet." Ego waved a distracted hand at nothing in particular. "Keep yourself busy. I'll call for you if I need you."_

_Mantis bowed and stepped away. The ship was large, and she had never been on it before. She would have the chance to explore._

_And perhaps, while she did, she could think about what she could do to keep Ego off Yondu and Peter's trail. She hadn't been able to save any of the other children, and she hadn't been the one to save this child either, but now that he_ had _been saved, she wanted to keep him that way._

* * *

"Okay," Peter says when they reach Contraxia. "Be careful, Mantis. Here's a gun, here's a comm, here's your gloves, call us if you need  _anything_ -"

"She's not a child, Peter," Gamora interrupts. "Have a nice date, Mantis."

"Thank you," Mantis replies with a little bow. "And thank you, Peter."

"Are you sure you don't want one of us to go with you?" Peter asks worriedly.

"Peter," Gamora scolds.

"I do not need a chaperone," Mantis replies as she tucks the gun and comm away and pulls on her gloves. "I do not think Nebula will do anything untoward."

"Okay," Peter says, although he still sounds a little concerned. "Where is Nebula meeting you?"

"There," Mantis replies, pointing at the edge of the landing field. Nebula is waiting there, her arms crossed tightly over her chest.

"How long will your date be?" Gamora asks. "When should we come pick you up?"

"I do not know," Mantis replies. "I have never been on a date like this before."

"Comm us when you're ready for us to get you," Peter says. "We'll stay in the area."

"Thank you," Mantis says again, and then she steps off the ship and goes to Nebula.

"You came," Nebula says when she approaches.

"I told you I would," Mantis replies. "Peter was not sure that it would be safe, but Gamora convinced him."

"Contraxia is not the… nicest place," Nebula warns. "You should stick with me."

"I was planning on doing that anyway," Mantis replies. She tentatively holds out one hand. "Could we hold hands? I believe that is what you do on dates."

"I… I've never dated anyone," Nebula says, looking warily at Mantis's hand. Slowly, she takes it with her prosthetic, holding Mantis's hand very gently. "Have you?"

"Only once, and only for a few days," Mantis replies. "It was one of Ego's children. He brought most of them to his planet as children, but she was older. Her name was Xeyla."

"What happened to her?" Nebula asks.

Mantis looks down at their intertwined hands. "Ego killed her."

"Ego reminds me of my father," Nebula says, also looking down at their hands. "Thanos also killed things that we loved."

Mantis may not be touching Nebula's skin, but she can still tell that she's uneasy. "You are free of him," she says. "Just as I am free of Ego."

Nebula scoffs. "We'll never be free of them."

Mantis thinks of her recurring nightmares where Ego finds her again and traps her in the cave of skeletons under the surface of his planet. "Perhaps not," she admits, "but we do not need to let them control us anymore."

"Ego is dead," Nebula says, looking up and off into the distance. "Thanos is not."

"Then we will kill him," Mantis says. "We killed Ego, we can kill Thanos."

Nebula scoffs. "It won't be that simple."

"Ego was a living planet, and we killed him," Mantis says. "We are the Guardians of the Galaxy. We can defeat Thanos."

Nebula looks sideways at Mantis. There's no smile on her mouth, but there's a bit of one in her eyes. "The others still think you're so innocent. And here you are, planning my father's death."

"Your father deserves it," Mantis replies. "And just because the others think me innocent does not mean that I am."

"You felt what I feel and you didn't run," Nebula replies. "I know you're not innocent."

"You are not as cruel as you think," Mantis says. "I would not run."

Even though Nebula began the conversation, she looks a little flustered at where Mantis is taking it. "Where do you want to go?" she asks instead.

"I have never been to this planet before," Mantis replies, looking around. She visited some planets with Ego, but not this one. She would remember it. "What is here?"

"Bars," Nebula replies. "Fight clubs. Brothels."

"What is a brothel?" Mantis asks.

Nebula looks a little embarrassed. "Let's go to a bar."

"Very well," Mantis agrees easily. "I have never been to a bar before."

Nebula frowns. "Don't those idiots ever let you off the ship?"

"I do not often leave," Mantis replies. "My powers can make crowds unpleasant."

Nebula pauses. "We don't have to go to a bar."

"I have gloves now," Mantis says brightly, holding up one hand. "They should prevent me from accidentally feeling other people's emotions."

"Are you sure?"

"I am sure." Mantis squeezes Nebula's hand a bit, only belatedly remembering that it's a prosthetic that may or may not be able to feel the difference in pressure. "I am excited to be here with you, and I wish to explore."

"Okay," Nebula replies. "Come with me."

They're still holding hands, so that's easy enough. Mantis follows Nebula towards a large, brightly-lit building. It looks somewhat nicer than the other buildings around it, and the music playing inside is pleasant. Nebula pushes the door open and lets Mantis pass through first.

"Is this a bar?" Mantis asks as she takes in the building. "It is very loud."

"Bars are loud," Nebula replies. "Let's get something to drink."

Mantis allows Nebula to pull her to a table, then peruses the menu she shoves into her hands for a few moments before telling Nebula to pick for her. Nebula disappears for a minute, then returns with two glasses in her hands. One is a dark, murky brown, and the other is a pale pink.

"Here," Nebula says, giving Mantis the pink drink. "I don't know if you've ever had alcohol before, so this isn't too strong."

"Thank you," Mantis says, taking a tiny sip. The drink is shockingly sweet, with a sour aftertaste to it. She takes another sip, trying to figure out whether or not she likes it.

"Is it good?" Nebula asks, looking a little concerned as she swirls her own drink in its glass. "I've never had it before."

"It is very interesting," Mantis replies, taking another sip. "I have never tasted anything like it."

"It's a good thing I didn't get you anything stronger, then," Nebula replies. She downs her glass in one sip. Mantis watches the line of her throat as she gulps it down.

"You are beautiful," Mantis blurts out.

Nebula's dark eyes go wide. For a moment, Mantis worries that she's crossed some line, but then Nebula relaxes, just a little. She ducks her head, but not quite fast enough to keep Mantis from seeing the flush on her cheeks.

"So are you," Nebula mutters, and Mantis beams.

* * *

_Ego didn't allow Mantis to explore the planets he visited. He didn't even allow her to leave the ship. "These are dangerous places," he told her every time they landed. "I don't want to see you hurt."_

_It was a lie and she knew it, but the answer never changed, so she stopped asking._

_It gave her time to herself, at least, which was something she hadn't had for years. She explored the ship, finding all of its little hiding places. She never entered Ego's quarters, but she saw everywhere else until the ship was almost as familiar to her as Ego's planet._

_When the children arrived, her job was similar to what it had been before she traveled with Ego; she calmed them, coaxed them towards relaxation, won their trust. After that, she put them to sleep, then she did the same to Ego, and then she would sit, almost alone, and wait for the ship to return so she could wake them again._

_Five days would pass, the child would die, and the cycle would repeat._

_Sometimes, Ego wouldn't pick up children on his trips. He would go to visit women, or he would search for Yondu and Peter. He would still bring Mantis with him, though, dragging her through space so she could put him to sleep whenever he wished. She knew he only took her because he didn't trust her alone anymore. She wished she could stay home, but at the same time… Well, it had never been a_ home _to her. Not really. And it was too full of ghosts to truly be restful. It was better than being with Ego, of course, but the time alone on the ship wasn't bad either._

_"Mantis!" Ego yelled, and Mantis jumped. She was sitting in the main room of the ship, a singular person in its large expanse. She wondered sometimes why Ego's ship was so large, when there were only ever two or three people on it at once._

_"Master," she replied, standing and bowing. "Do you need something of me?"_

_"We are returning home," Ego replied. "Put me to sleep."_

_Mantis nodded. "Yes, Master." She hesitated for a moment, then asked, "Have you found any leads on Yondu and Peter?"_

_"No," Ego replied, scowling. "But they won't evade me for long."_

_"Of course not, Master," Mantis replied. Her heart lifted every time Ego failed to find Yondu and Peter, but she was always careful not to show it. She followed Ego to his room, put him to sleep, then returned to the main room._

_The ship wasn't perfectly quiet. There was a faint hum from the engines, low enough that it was barely audible but loud enough that it was heard. Ego's planet wasn't quiet either. The only place Mantis had ever visited that was silent was the cave under the surface. She didn't ever want to think about that place again._

_"Someday," Mantis whispered, barely daring to say it even when her voice was almost silent, "I will leave Ego, and I will never need to think about the cave again."_

_She didn't know if it would be that easy. She didn't know if it was possible at all. Perhaps, she would live the rest of her life with Ego. Perhaps, she would stay with him until she died._

_But if she ever had a chance to escape him, she would take it. Yondu had managed to evade his reach for years. Surely Mantis could do the same. Surely she could live her own life if she tried hard enough._

_If it was a matter of willpower… Well, she had learned the importance of willpower in her years with Ego, and she thought she had enough of it to do whatever she put her mind to. She would escape someday, and she would never think about the cave again._

_She would escape._

_She would_ live _._

* * *

Mantis and Nebula are enjoying a small, sweet cake - the menu called it a  _chocolate cupcake_ , and though neither Mantis nor Nebula have ever tasted one before, Mantis knows they're both glad they took the risk - when Mantis's comm starts beeping frantically. Mantis reaches for it, frowning, and accepts the message.

 _"Mantis,"_  Gamora says, looking harried. Her eyes are wide, and she has a blaster in her hand. Mantis's heart sinks into her stomach.  _"Mantis, are you there?"_

"I am here," Mantis says immediately. "Gamora, what is happening?"

 _"Stay away,"_  Gamora says sharply.  _"We're being attacked. Don't come after us. We'll figure it out ourselves. Stay with Nebula, alright? Is she there with you?"_

"I am," Nebula says, shifting slightly so she's in the frame. "Gamora-"

 _"Stay with Mantis,"_  Gamora says.  _"Keep her safe."_

"I can help!" Mantis protests. "Gamora-"

There's a loud crash. Mantis faintly hears Peter yell that he could use some help. Gamora looks off at something the camera can't see, then she turns back to Mantis and Nebula.

 _"Stay away,"_  she repeats.  _"We'll comm you once we're safe again. Be careful, Mantis. You too, Nebula."_

"Gamora, I can-"

But the screen goes black before Mantis can tell Gamora what she can do.

"You can stay with me," Nebula says after a moment. She's still staring at the spot where Gamora's picture was a moment before, but she tears her gaze away to look at Mantis. "My ship is big enough for two."

"I am going after them," Mantis says.

Nebula frowns. "Gamora just told us to stay away."

"Gamora thinks I am a child. She's wrong. I can handle myself."

"Rescuing them won't be easy."

"I don't care."

Nebula looks at Mantis and sighs. "We'll go after them, then. But you're taking the blame if Gamora gets mad at us."

"You're coming with me?"

"I can't let you run off into this much trouble on your own. Anyway, Gamora asked me to protect you."

"Thank you," Mantis says earnestly.

"She's my sister too," Nebula says. "Let's go find them and kick some ass."

Mantis nods seriously, standing up. Nebula tosses some credits onto the table, enough to cover their drinks and their chocolate cupcake, and starts striding towards the door. Mantis follows her, her heart pounding so loudly she's surprised the people around her can't hear it. She's scared, but she's also  _angry_ , angrier than she's been in a long time. She's only just found a new family, and if she needs to fight to keep it, she's going to fight.

Nebula's ship is big enough for two, but just barely. "Give me your comm," Nebula says when they climb onboard.

Mantis hands over the comm without argument. "Why do you need it?"

"You're linked to Gamora's comm," Nebula says. "I can use yours to track hers."

Mantis silently allows Nebula to do so. It takes a few minutes, and Mantis hears Nebula let out a few muttered curses, but then she jerks her head up triumphantly. "Found her."

"Where is she?" Mantis asks, peering over Nebula's shoulder.

"They're moving," Nebula says, frowning at the screen. "But we can follow them." She looks around at Mantis. "Are you sure you want to do this?"

"I'm sure," Mantis says firmly.

Nebula nods, turning back around. "Alright. Get strapped in."

Mantis obediently straps herself into the seat, then Nebula takes off. Her ship doesn't move as smoothly as the  _Milano_ , but it's faster. They rocket off the planet, heading straight up into the atmosphere. Nebula pilots it with the expertise of someone who's been doing this for years, and although Mantis knows Nebula is dangerous, she's not sure she's ever felt safer.

The feeling won't last, she knows, but even knowing that she's about to get into her first big fight doesn't scare her as much as it should. She's more capable than people think she is, and she has Nebula by her side, who's more capable than any single person really has the right to be. She'll be fine.

And she'll rescue the rest of the Guardians, and they'll be fine too.

* * *

_Only once did someone come onto Ego's ship uninvited. Ego himself was off collecting or creating a child, Mantis wasn't sure which, and Mantis was left puttering around the ship, aimlessly wandering and wondering how long Ego would take this time. She didn't expect him to take too long, but when she heard footsteps on the floor, she immediately knew they weren't his. She'd spent most of her life listening for Ego's footsteps, so she would never be caught unawares when he approached. She would recognize them in her sleep, and these footsteps… These footsteps weren't his._

_There were no weapons onboard the ship; or, if there were, Mantis didn't know about them. She wouldn't be surprised if Ego did have a blaster or two, but she had never seen them. The only thing she had to defend herself with was her power. She'd need to touch whoever was here to use that, but at least it was something._

_If the intruder was still here when Ego got back, she was sure they would regret their break-in, but maybe she could deal with it before he returned. She'd rather not watch someone die today._

_The intruder burst into the main room where Mantis stood, holding a blaster. They jerked it up when they saw Mantis standing there, training it on her chest. "Hands up."_

_Mantis put her hands up immediately. "What are you doing here?" she asked, putting on the same mask of childlike innocence that she wore around everyone who wasn't Ego. "Are you a friend of my master's?"_

_"Your master?" the intruder said, their blaster lowering a little. Their face was entirely covered by a mask, but Mantis guessed that their expression would probably show the same hesitation that had just entered into their voice. "Are you a slave?"_

_Yes, absolutely, but Mantis knew Ego would be furious if she said it out loud. "I am my master's assistant," she said, bowing a little. The blaster jerked back up at her movement, and she froze._

_"Don't move," the intruder said, but their voice wasn't as sharp as it had been before. "Look, I don't want to hurt you."_

_"Unfortunately for you," a new voice said, a voice that Mantis recognized and hated, "I_ do _want to hurt you."_

_"Master-!" Mantis cried, but Ego had already ducked away from the blaster that swung around to point at him. He grabbed the intruder's arm and snapped it with a sound that would echo in Mantis's nightmares, then he grabbed the blaster out of their hand and shot them in the head._

_Mantis bit down on her horrified cry, not letting it past her gritted teeth. She swallowed hard, shoving the sound back down into her stomach, and forced herself to appear composed when Ego looked up at her._

_"Are you hurt?"_

_"No, Master."_

_Ego nodded once, then he turned and left the room. Mantis looked down at the body on the floor, then she followed him._

_"We're leaving," Ego said sharply._

_"Have you finished your business on this planet?" Mantis asked. Her voice sounded perfectly even._

_"It's finished," Ego said. Abruptly, he stopped and turned around, reaching one hand out and brushing it against Mantis's cheek. "Are you sure you're alright?"_

_"I wasn't hurt," Mantis said. She didn't think the intruder would have hurt her at all._

_"No one can ever touch you, not while I'm here," Ego promised._

_Mantis wondered if he meant for it to sound like a threat as much as it did._

_"I know, Master."_

_The ship took off smoothly, rising into the air at Ego's silent command. Mantis wondered, not for the first time, if the ship even_ had _manual controls. Ego certainly didn't need them._

_"Wake me when we get home," Ego said as he and Mantis entered his room. He lay down and closed his eyes._

_Mantis rested a hand on his forehead. "Yes, Master," she said, then she pushed sleep into Ego's veins, and only when she was certain he had drifted off did she pull her hand away. She left the room and closed the door behind her, then headed to her own room. Normally, she would pass through main room to get there, but today…_

_Today, Mantis took the long way around._

_Only when she got to her room did she let out the breath that she'd been holding in since Ego had shot their intruder in the head. Only when the door was closed did she let her knees buckle with the weight of what she'd seen. Only when she was sure she was alone did she let out a sob for the intruder who, she was fairly certain, wouldn't have hurt her unless Mantis had done something to prompt it._

_Only when Ego was sleeping did she allow herself to feel_ furious _, knowing that, when he woke up, she'd have to bury it deep in her bones once again._

* * *

"They've stopped," Nebula says after they've been chasing the ship that took the Guardians for nearly an hour. Nebula's ship is small and fast, but it wasn't fast enough to catch up. They had to wait for the other ship to stop to be able to reach it.

And now it's stopped, and Mantis is ready to fight.

"How far away are we?" she asks, looking over Nebula's shoulder.

"We're about ten minutes out," Nebula says. "Are you ready for this?"

"I'm ready," Mantis says. She reaches for the gun that's holstered on her hip. Peter taught her how to shoot, but she perfected the skill herself, aiming at a target and shooting over and over again until she could hit the center more often than not, and then continuing to shoot until her misses were rare events. She's never shot at something moving before, but she knows how to handle a gun well enough that she thinks she'll be able to learn quickly.

Nebula's ship approaches the other ship quickly, with a whine coming from the engine that Mantis knows means Nebula is pushing her ship past its usual limits. "How are we going to get onboard?" Mantis asks when the ship comes into view.

"Leave that to me," Nebula says, pressing buttons on the control panel. Mantis doesn't ask what she's doing, despite her curiosity. She can ask questions later, when the others are safe. She's not going to distract Nebula now.

Somehow, the ship doesn't seem to notice them as they fly closer, coming up underneath. It's a massive vessel, easily dwarfing Nebula's little ship. Mantis just hopes they can find the Guardians on a ship that size.

"Alright," Nebula says as they approach one of the airlocks. "I've hidden us from their sensors, but they'll know we're here once we dock, so we need to move fast. The first thing we need to do is figure out where they're keeping Gamora and the others. I should be able to figure that out with one of the computers, but if I can't, we'll need to interrogate someone." She looks at Mantis speculatively. "You might be able to help with that. Can you use your power to make someone talk?"

"I can use my powers to make someone trust us," Mantis says. "I cannot specifically force them to talk, but I can make it more likely that they will."

"Close enough," Nebula says. "Once we figure out where everyone is, it's just a matter of getting to them."

"They're probably already planning their own escape," Mantis says. Honestly, the more she thinks about it, the more she wonders if this rescue is even necessary. The Guardians have proven themselves adept at getting out of worse situations than this one. It's possible that they would be able to get away without Mantis and Nebula's help.

But Mantis is part of this family, and so is Nebula, and neither of them are going to let anyone touch the people they love.

"Then we'll help them with it," Nebula says. "It'll probably be a stupid plan anyway."

A stupid plan is probably better than no plan, which is what Mantis and Nebula are currently going with, but Mantis doesn't bring that up.

"Are you ready?" Nebula asks, looking over her shoulder at Mantis. "We can still leave."

They can, it's true, but Mantis won't.

"I'm ready," Mantis says. "Let's go."

Nebula nods and docks the ship to the airlock. "Stay down," she says as she powers it off. "They might shoot into the cockpit."

Mantis obediently ducks down behind the seat. Her gun is in her hand, a semi-familiar weight. If anyone shoots at her, she's prepared to shoot back. She doesn't want to, but she'll do what she has to do.

"Okay," Nebula says, "I'm opening the door in three, two, one-"

The second the door opens, shots blast into the ship. Mantis stays down as she was told, but she does peek around the chair and shoot in the direction of the door. She sees Nebula doing the same thing beside her, and within a minute or so, the shooting stops.

"Alright," Nebula says, getting out of the seat and heading towards the door. "We should move quickly. It won't be long until reinforcements come."

Mantis nods and scurries after Nebula. She forces herself not to think about the fact that she's stepping over corpses. She's never killed anyone before, not with her own hands, but she may have killed some of these people. She can't be sure which blasts were from Nebula and which blasts were from her.

"Follow me," Nebula says, heading down the hallway. Mantis follows obediently, keeping a tight grip on her gun.

She's never killed before, and she didn't enjoy doing it, but if it's a choice between these people and her family, her family will win every time.

* * *

_Years passed. Ego fetched child after child, bringing them back to his planet and testing them. Mantis calmed them and watched over them the best she could. She was never able to save them, but at least she did her best to make sure they weren't afraid when they died._

_And of course, every single one died. Ego speared them with his light, buried them under the planet, and left to create another child to kill in turn._

_Between making and killing children, Ego searched for Peter, and somehow, Yondu managed to keep evading him. Mantis hoped that would continue. Part of her wanted to see Yondu again, to thank him for what he'd done and commend him for his bravery. Part of her wanted to meet this child that Ego was so desperate to find, this child Ego was so_ certain _would be the key. The rest of her hoped she never would see either of them. If she saw Yondu, if she met Peter, it would be because Ego had caught up to them, and if he did, they would both die. Yondu would die quickly - Ego would not suffer him to live longer than he had to - and Peter would die after five days of fear. Even if he were the key, like Ego thought he was, Mantis was certain he would die anyway. None of Ego's children ever survived._

_For a while, Mantis hoped that time and distance would erase Peter from Ego's mind, but she soon found out it never would. The longer Peter was missing, the angrier Ego grew, until the mere mention of his name or Yondu's was enough to send him spiraling into fury. Mantis quickly learned to never bring either one up. She still dreamed of the cave sometimes, and she never wanted to make Ego angry enough to send her there again._

_And so, the years cycled on, and things stayed the same. Mantis grew older, although the years didn't show themselves on her face. Still, she looked almost the same as she had when she first emerged from her cocoon. Her face looked young and innocent, and it was a fact Ego exploited whenever he could. The children were more at ease with someone who looked gentle than they were with him. He could change his appearance at will to look like whatever he wanted, of course, but there was always something that wasn't quite right. Mantis wasn't sure what it was, and she didn't think any of the children knew either, but he frightened all of them._

_Still, Mantis had never seen Ego's true form. Still, she wasn't quite certain exactly what manner of creature he was._

_Still, Mantis didn't know exactly_ why _Ego needed the children, but she knew it was something bad._

 _The children flickered by, and Mantis remembered all their names. She wondered if Ego did. He_ learned  _their names, certainly, and he called the children by them while they were there, but once they died, did he forget? Did he erase the children from his thoughts as easily as he erased their remains from his rooms?_

_Mantis never allowed herself to forget. She could name all the children, from the first she'd seen to the last. She could remember their faces. She knew their species. She knew how frightened they'd all been when they arrived._

_She knew she was the one who had taken that fear away, and led them like lambs to the slaughter._

_She knew that was blood that would never wash off her hands._

_And she knew, in the moments she allowed herself to know it, that she would never,_ ever _forgive Ego for making her do it._

* * *

It's fairly easy for Nebula to use the ship's computer to figure out where the Guardians are being held, so she and Mantis don't waste any time heading there. They run into a few more members of the ship's crew on the way, but Mantis figures out how to change her gun to stun bolts and stuns them. Nebula shoots a few too, but her gun isn't set on stun. Mantis knows it might be better to shoot them, so they don't have to run the risk of fighting the same people on the way out, but she doesn't want to kill anyone if she can help it. She keeps her gun set on stun.

And then, finally, they reach the Guardians' cell.

Nebula opens it with the pass she stole from the last crew member they faced, and the door slides open. Immediately, a blur of motion throws itself at Nebula, but even as Mantis flinches away, Nebula keeps calm and hurls the blur back into the cell.

"It's  _us_ , Gamora."

Gamora picks herself up, looking at Nebula and Mantis in shock. The others are scattered around the cell, and they all look equally surprised.

"What are you doing here?" Peter demands, rocketing upright. He's got a bruise over one eye, but otherwise, he looks unharmed. Groot is sitting on his shoulder, and thankfully, he looks to be untouched. If any of them had hurt Groot, Mantis thinks she might be tempted to turn her gun off of stun. "I thought Gamora told you to stay away! Nebula, weren't you supposed to protect Mantis?"

"Mantis was the one who wanted to come," Nebula retorts.

Peter turns on Mantis. "You should-"

"I was not going to wait in safety with Nebula while you were captured," Mantis says hotly. "I am just as capable of a rescue as the rest of you."

"How about we argue later and get out of here now?" Gamora suggests, stepping forward. "Do you two have a plan?"

"We know where the  _Milano_  is," Nebula replies. She shrugs. "Best plan is fight our way there and get out of here as fast as we can."

The Guardians look at each other. "Better plan that anything we ever come up with," Rocket says, and he heads out of the cell. The others follow him.

"What about your ship?" Mantis asks Nebula quietly as they head out of the cell. "It's in the opposite direction of the  _Milano_."

"It's shot to hell anyway," Nebula says. "I'll stay with you for a bit and get a new one."

"You could stay with us for as long as you like," Mantis says. She doesn't dare suggest that Nebula stay with them permanently. She doesn't think Nebula will take the offer, and she doesn't want to hope for it and be disappointed.

Nebula doesn't respond to that, but Mantis didn't really expect her to. She's made the offer, at least, and that's what's important. Whether Nebula accepts it or not is up to her.

"Which way to the ship?" Gamora asks from the front of the group.

"And did they do anything to it?" Peter adds.

Nebula ignores Peter and pushes her way to the front, next to Gamora. "I'll show you where it is."

"You shouldn't have come after us," Peter says to Mantis as they walk. "We would have escaped soon enough, and now you're in danger too."

"I was not going to leave you," Mantis says.

"Yeah, but-"

A member of the crew tries to sneak up behind them, and without blinking, Mantis shoots him. He drops immediately.

"I am not a child," Mantis says firmly, because she's more than proved her strength and she's sick of the others pretending she hasn't. "If I had been the one taken, you would have come for me. I would do nothing less for you."

Peter stares at Mantis, eyes a little wider than usual. "Oh."

"That was a good shot," Drax compliments. "Did Quill teach you to shoot?"

"I taught her a bit, but not  _that_  much," Peter says.

"I taught myself," Mantis says. "We should move faster."

Drax and Peter obediently speed up. Mantis walks faster until she's next to Nebula. "Are we close to the ship?"

"Almost there," Nebula says. "Anyone else have the feeling this is too easy?"

"They'll be waiting at the ship," Gamora says. "It's the best place to catch us."

"They better not hurt my ship," Peter mutters.

Nebula pulls a knife out of her boot and hands it to Gamora. "What about the rest of us?" Rocket demands.

"I only have one knife," Nebula replies, utterly unapologetic.

Gamora hands the knife over to Peter. "I can fight with my hands," she says. "The rest of you, stay behind us. Rocket, take Groot."

Peter hands Groot over to Rocket, then he adjusts his grip on the knife until he's ready to fight. Mantis tightens her grip on her gun.

"Alright," Nebula says. "The ship is around this corner. Are all of you ready?"

"Oh, we're ready," Peter says.

Nebula looks at Mantis. Mantis gives her a sharp nod.

"Okay," Nebula says, "here we go."

* * *

_"I found him," Ego said one day, a mix of triumph and what was almost reverence on his face, and Mantis's blood went cold, because there was only one him Ego would refer to like that._

_"Peter?" she asked anyway, because until she heard the name, she would keep hoping._

_"Peter," Ego repeated with relish. "There's stories of a Terran who held an Infinity Stone without dying. Only my Peter could do that."_

_"Where is he?" Mantis asked._

_Ego frowned. "I'm not sure exactly where he is, but I know how to find him. He's part of a group that calls itself the Guardians of the Galaxy. I imagine he won't be hard to find."_

_Mantis inclined her head. "When will we leave?"_

_"Now," Ego said, heading out to the ship. "Come, Mantis."_

_Mantis followed Ego obediently. "Shall I put you to sleep once we board, Master?"_

_"No," Ego said. "I need to be awake to track down Peter."_

_Mantis bowed the best she could while also walking. "Yes, Master."_

_They boarded the ship and Ego immediately headed to the main room. "You can go, Mantis," he said, waving a dismissive hand. "I'll call for you when I need you."_

_"Yes, Master," Mantis repeated with another bow. She turned and headed to her room as the ship took off, silently thanking the stars that Ego had decided to give her this little freedom. It was hardly anything, but even little things meant a lot to her._

_A few days passed before Ego called for her. Mantis spent most of the time in her room, except when she snuck into the kitchen to get food. Every time she left her room, she held her breath, but Ego never said a word._

_Not until he burst into her room, eyes alight, and declared, "I found him. We're on our way there now."_

_Mantis jerked to her feet. "You found him?"_

_"He's on Sovereign," Ego said. "I'm piloting the ship there now."_

_Mantis wasn't sure where that was, but she nodded. "How long will it take us to get there?"_

_"Not long," Ego dismissed. "When we meet him and his friends, I want you to try to befriend them."_

_"Befriend them?" Mantis repeated. "How do you wish me to do that?"_

_Ego waved a hand. "Figure it out. But be sure to act innocent. And don't let them know how long you've been with me. I don't want them to suspect anything."_

_"Yes, Master," Mantis said. She opened her mouth to say something else, then the ship shuddered to the side. Ego frowned, and Mantis spared a moment to wish luck to whoever was about to face Ego's rage._

_"I'll go deal with this," Ego said. "Then we'll find Peter. Remember, befriend him and the others, and make sure they don't suspect anything."_

_"Of course," Mantis said, bowing. Internally, though, her mind was racing. If this Peter and his friends were really called the Guardians of the Galaxy, perhaps they would be able to do what no one else could and destroy Ego. She still didn't know what exactly Ego was planning, but she was sure he was a threat to the galaxy, even beyond being a threat to all his children. Perhaps Mantis could tell them the truth and finally,_ finally _watch Ego die._

_But she couldn't have another Xeyla on her conscience._

_She would figure it out later. She would wait until she met these Guardians to make a decision. If they seemed capable, if they seemed like they could do what she couldn't…_

_If they truly wanted to guard the galaxy, then Ego was perhaps one of the biggest threats they would ever face. She could only hope they'd be up for it. And if they were…_

_If they were, Mantis would finally be free._

* * *

"I think we've lost them," Peter says, slumping back against the pilot's chair. "Remind me to never tangle with those guys again."

"I think we can all agree with that," Gamora says.

"Don't get yourselves captured next time, then," Nebula mutters.

Mantis knows that's rude, and she should probably scold Nebula for saying it, but she's still annoyed with the Guardians for the way they dismissed her, the way they underestimated her even when she broke their cell open with a gun in hand, so she keeps her mouth shut.

"Thank you for the rescue," Gamora says, turning to face Nebula and Mantis. "But you shouldn't have come. You shouldn't have put yourselves in danger like that. We could have gotten out on our own."

"We're not children," Nebula spits. "Don't treat us like we are."

"I know you're not a child, Nebula," Gamora sighs.

"And what about Mantis?"

"Mantis isn't a child either," Gamora says, refusing to rise to Nebula's bait. "But that doesn't change the fact that the two of you put yourself into danger."

"What would you have done, if we were the ones taken?" Mantis asks.

Gamora looks at her in shock. "Mantis-"

"You would have come for us," Mantis answers, completely confident that she's right. That's what they did for Nebula before, after all. "You would never have left us behind. And we would never leave you behind either."

"We can take care of ourselves," Gamora says gently.

"And so can we," Mantis replies.

This is dangerous territory, she knows. The Guardians aren't like Ego, they won't kill her for speaking her mind, but they might ask her to leave. Before, that idea terrified her, but now she has Nebula. She'd still rather stay with the Guardians, but if she can't, she has somewhere to go. Nebula sees the jagged edges under Mantis's soft facade, and she loves her even more for it. Mantis doesn't have to worry about her leaving because Mantis is too sharp. With Nebula, Mantis can be herself more than with anyone else, and it's part of why she loves her so much.

"Look," Peter says after a moment. "You did save us. I mean, I saw you save us, and it was pretty badass. But we don't want you putting yourself in danger when you don't need to."

"You do not control me," Mantis says, because she knows Peter is talking to her more than he's talking to Nebula. "Is that not what you have been saying to me all along? That I can make my own choices? I can choose when I need to put myself in danger." She folds her hands over her lap. "I am not a child. I do not need you to make my choices for me."

Peter and Gamora share a look. "You're right," Gamora finally says. "You're not a child, and you can make your own choices. I'm sorry we treated you like you couldn't."

Mantis feels her eyes go wide. No one has ever apologized to her before. "Thank you for apologizing," she says, because she can't think of anything else to say. "Next time you rescue someone, will you let me come with you?"

"If you want to come," Gamora says, "you can come."

They still don't understand everything. Mantis knows that. They don't understand the depth of what she's seen, what she's done. They don't know that the violence they think she's been shielded from is violence that she's lived with her whole life.

But to be fair, Mantis hasn't told them about it either. She's kept her mouth shut and let them believe their assumptions. She hasn't wanted to talk about Ego, and so they don't know what he did. That's not their fault. If they don't know what she's experienced, it's because she's never told them.

If they're going to fix that, both sides need to do their part.

She doesn't want to talk about it. She doesn't want to forget it - the children deserve better than that - but talking about it… She's not ready yet. And she doesn't want to talk to Peter about it, about all the siblings he never had a chance to know. But maybe… Maybe she can talk to Nebula about it. And maybe Gamora. And maybe someday, she can tell the others. Maybe someday, they can finally know her truth. She's not ready to tell them yet, but she thinks she will be someday.

"Look," Rocket says after a moment, "this has been a real nice heart-to-heart, but I'm friggin' starving. Can we go get some food?"

"We have food in the kitchen," Gamora counters.

"After I get kidnapped, I think I deserve real food," Rocket retorts. "Come on, Quill, fly this rig somewhere with a decent burger joint."

Peter shrugs. "Sure, why the hell not."

"We didn't have a chance to finish our date," Mantis says to Nebula quietly.

"Do you want to finish it now?" Nebula asks.

Mantis smiles and turns to Peter. "Could you drop Nebula and me off on Contraxia?"

Peter looks at the two of them, and for a second, Mantis thinks he's going to refuse. Gamora, apparently thinking the same thing, hits the back of his head before he can open his mouth.

"Ow!" Peter yelps. Gamora glares at him, and he makes a face at her, then turns back to Mantis. "Sure, but keep your gun on you. And that's not me treating you like a kid, it's what I'd say to anyone I was dropping off on Contraxia."

Mantis isn't entirely sure she believes him, and the look that Gamora is giving him seems to imply she feels the same way, but it's good enough. Mantis almost bows in response, but… She doesn't need to bow to anyone anymore. "Thank you," she says instead, and then she goes back over to Nebula.

"Maybe I can get a new ship on Contraxia," Nebula says. "One that's big enough for both of us, so you can visit me when these idiots are driving you insane."

Mantis reaches for Nebula's hand. "I would like that," she says quietly. She doesn't want to leave the other Guardians, but the thought of being able to spend some time alone with Nebula is a welcome one.

Nebula looks out the window at the stars, and Mantis tentatively leans her head on Nebula's shoulder. Her cheek touches Nebula's bare skin, and beneath the layer of constant pain that Mantis is growing more and more adept at dismissing, Mantis can feel Nebula's contentment.

"I love you," she says quietly.

Nebula doesn't say it back, but Mantis can feel it anyway.

* * *

_Ego was dead._

_Mantis had waited so long for this moment, and now it was finally here. Ego was dead, and Mantis was onboard a ship with his son Peter - his son who could control the light like Ego had so desperately craved and then used that power to stop Ego instead of help him - and Peter's friends, the Guardians of the Galaxy. They'd lived up to the name, and they'd stopped Ego._

_And Mantis was finally free._

_Ego was gone, and so Mantis took all of her anger and hatred towards him and left it behind in the spot where his planet used to be. She would not forget, and she would not forgive, but she would not let bitterness and anger define her either. Ego was dead. He no longer had any control over Mantis. But if she let her anger at him direct her life, he would be controlling her once more, from beyond the grave. She would not let that happen. She would not let Ego touch her life ever again._

_She looked out at the stars, and she saw their beauty and their potential, the glorious potential of exploring a universe where she could be free, and for the first time in a very, very long time, Mantis felt like she might someday be at peace._

**Author's Note:**

> My writing tumblr is [here](http://winterskywrites.tumblr.com/), if you're interested.


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